Just a Simple Girl with a Dream

Due to the popularity of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team reviews, I decided to recap the NFL Network’s Making the Squad Series.  Since they’re my favorite team, I’m going to start with the Miami Dolphins series first.  If you’ve seen this mini-series, you can definitely pick up on some similarities to the DCC, but each squad is unique in their own right.  Bonus: No Fitness Boot Camp.

Bienvenidos!  (This is totally shameless, but back in the day I was President of the Spanish Honorary Society.  So what if it was based on popularity and not mastery of the language?) The show begins with a tightly edited opening sequence featuring pretty girls stretching, putting on make up, doing their hair, and getting into uniform.  Also the music is vaguely Latin to give it that “Miami feel”.  I feel that it was a disservice to not just re-use the Miami Vice opening sequence, which for my money, is the best opening in the history of television, but then again, I’m not making the big bucks in Hollywood…yet.

It is important to note that this series was filmed in 2005, so they refer to Dolphins Stadium as Pro Player Stadium and current Alabama Coach, Nick Saban, was Head Coach.  (He is not missed.) Like any good cheerleading show, we start at the beginning: Auditions.  The girls line up and start the registration process.  We meet Dorie Grogan (who we will learn in episode 2 was a former a DCC all-star), the outgoing Cheerleader Director and the incoming Director of Event Entertainment.  She’s pretty and blonde and wears a black suit with aqua piping and an aqua sash.  I would own this suit.  Next to her is her protege, Heather Phillips, who is taking over Dorie’s former position.  Heather has huge shoes to fill as Dorie has been in place for the past ten years and basically transformed the MDC.  Heather is also pretty and blonde.  I feel like they’re the South Beach versions of Kelli and Judy.  You know what I’m talking about: Straighter hair, sleeker outfits, etc.

Dorie explains that she will still be involved with the Cheerleaders in some capacity as she teaches Heather the ropes.  They look at photos of the applicants and Dorie points at the pictures where the girls could be cut because of their weight.  Before beginning the first round of auditions, Dorie tells the judges that they are looking for “smile, energy and appearance”.  Much like the DCC, the first round is for appearances and the second round weeds out the girls without talent. 

Jeannie is a cute girl who shows up wearing a Dolphins jersey and white shorts.  This proves to be popular with the men on the judging panel.  Let me just stop right here and say that in terms of wardrobe, these girls aren’t wearing a lot of sequins or velour.  It’s more edgy and deconstructed.  Also a lot of girls are foregoing the little boy shorts and just wearing straight up leotard bottoms.  Why? Because we’re in Miami where people wear as little as they can get away with.

We also meet Alyssa, she is friends with Jeannie.  Next up is Tamara, whose husband is a helicopter pilot in Japan.  She saw an NFL squad perform near Tokyo and decided that she wanted to try out.  Her husband totally supports her although I’m not sure if he’s in Tokyo during all this. 

We segue into an interview segment where Dorie explains that cheerleaders have to have good public speaking skills since they liaison with the general public.  I wonder if Dorie is a proponent of book reports and/or random trivia sessions.  (If she is, it didn’t make the deleted scenes.)  One by one, several girls give brief introductions about themselves.  The best is this girl named Mia, who also goes by “Big Booty Trudy”.  Everyone cracks up.  Mia’s whole thing is that she would rather be the one to call attention to her perceived flaws than someone else.  I totally get this and I do this all the time, except I don’t make up alter egos. 

The judges deliberate by separating the girls’ numbers into “yes”, “no” and “maybe” boxes.  Girls marked “yes” or “maybe” move on.  The numbers are posted and the girls selected to move onto the next round are elated.  The next round kicks off with the semi-finalists getting Polaroid pictures taken.  Each girl is instructed to stand with their legs out and their hands on their hips.  It’s not the most flattering pose as all the girls look like superheroes. 

After lunch, the girls learn a short routine.  While some girls learn the routine on the dance floor, the rest are marking it in their chairs.  This is pretty funny because it looks like some sort of cult.  A cult whose members wear very little clothing. After this round, the judges make further cuts.  Sometimes girls are pretty but can’t dance.  Sometimes girls can dance, but don’t have the looks.  The male judges all want Mia aka Trudy to advance so Dorie appeases them.  Out of over 200 girls, the field has been cut to 63.  Before releasing the girls, Dorie makes a comment about some of the girls working on their weight.  Apparently this is an issue on every squad. 

Jeannie, who will go on to become my favorite, really wants to make the squad.  She goes to a gym to practice the dance routine and then proceeds on to her workout.  Unlike me, she enjoys working out and does like 1,000 crunches.  I consider myself successful if I do like 150. 

The interviews are a little bit different for this squad.  Instead of multiple candidates interviewing at once, each girl comes in one at a time.  Since it’s 2005, Dorie doesn’t ask the girls about Condoleeza Jones.  We meet Julie, a candidate in her mid-thirties who is also a stand-up comedian. A clip of Julie’s stand-up routine is shown and well…she’s not really that funny, so perhaps cheerleading is a good career move.  Esther is up next and the judges find her interview too rehearsed and without warmth.  I agree completely because in all her prior on-camera segments, Esther seems thoroughly camera-ready and not at all spontaneous or natural. 

Here’s the weird part: After the interviews, the girls change into bikinis and parade around the dance floor.  The good news is that there is no bod pod in sight.  Heather explains that they do this so they can see the girls’ bodies in greater detail, which makes sense as the uniforms are very small.  The judges deliberate again and comment on the “awful hair” and “rockin’ little bodies”.  Apparently in years past, the candidates have been prettier, but Dorie thinks that the girls can be helped to achieve the “wow factor”.  She’s Simon Cowell.

For some reason, we follow Esther into Publix supermarket as she buys groceries.  If this is interesting and entertaining, why won’t anyone film me when I’m in Publix?  That’s another thing, I always seem to go grocery shopping wearing little dresses and heels.  What the hell is wrong with me?  I must just think I’m being filmed. This segment is supposed to show us how cheerleader hopefuls eat, but if this is what makes the show, what was left on the cutting room floor?

The Veterans also have to interview as part of the audition process.  There’s a Brandii, a Randi, and a Brandi.  LauRen (that’s how she spells it) looks like Emily Quartermaine.  One of the Veterans shows up with a new hairstyle and Dorie is not pleased.  Dorie says that by not informing her of the hairstyle change, the girl has no respect for her or for the organization.  Wow.  I get it, but still.  Ashley is Elle Woods.  She’s blonde and spunky and wears pink.  Dorie tells Elle Woods that she seems to be struggling with her weight.  During the swimsuit round, the girls seem much more natural modeling their swimwear.  LauRen exposits that she’s a pageant girl, so she’s totally comfortable.  Elle Woods wears a pink and white sequined, floral bikini.  Yeah, she dubs it the “Barbie suit”, although technically, she’s on the shorter side so she’s more like Skipper. 

Outside of auditions, some of the cheerleaders attend school.  Kristine, a really pretty Veteran, is studying to be a nurse.  Apparently her fellow students and teachers want her to bring Jason Taylor to class. I would not disagree with that.  Other cheerleaders tan.  LauRen visits the official Miami Dolphins Tanning Salon.  How does one get to be the official tanning salon of a cheerleading organization and do all cheerleading organizations have official tanning salons? So many questions!

Before the final audition, the Dolphins hold a series of dance clinics.  This is similar to the DCC training camp as cuts are made.  Instead of chillen in Dorie’s office, all the cuts are made in the cafeteria for some odd reason.  Heather is not comfortable making cuts, so Dorie does the dirty work.  Dorie likes to start off with a positive comment, explain why the girl is being cut and then close with a positive comment.  Jeannie is brought in and she is told that she needs to work on her weight, in particular her stomach.  Jeannie immediately goes outside and starts doing ab exercises.  I’ll hand it to her: she really wants this.  When Heather and Dorie are told this, they are really impressed by her dedication.  I’m impressed that Jeannie is exercising without the incentive of winning a Power Squad tank top.

Next time: Cuts are made and Final Auditions are held!