Just a Simple Girl with a Dream

I love Halloween; it’s my favorite holiday, I just wish I had more to do.  Back in the day, I always had a party to go to, which was great, because I am fantastic at thinking up costume ideas. 

If you’re heading out to a party this week and need a quick costume idea, you’ve come to the right place.  Herein, I present The First Annual JaSGwaD Halloween Costume List:

1. Cheerleader-Guys love this.  Plus, it’s so easy; there’s always a generic cheerleader outfit you can buy (if you don’t happen to have your old uniform handy).  Then there’s the accessories.  Who doesn’t love pom poms? Now sometimes you can get decent replicas of actual professional uniforms as I’ve seen a few girls go as Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.  I will warn you that the shorts are always a little longer and the fit isn’t always great, but maybe if you would have showed up on time to your wardrobe fitting with Kelli, this wouldn’t have been an issue. (True story: I really wanted to go as a USC Song Girl this year.  The Song Girl is an all time classic. It’s iconic and it looks kind of innocent.  Guys still go for it, though.)
2. Dr. Marlena Evans-This is something you roll out if you’re invited to a last minute party or your original costume falls apart.  This is so easy; all you need to do is get a blonde wig, high wasted jeans, a blazer or a matching denim top.  This works best if you get your significant other to go as John Black (alive or dead–either works!).  At first people may look at you and be like “thanks for dressing up!” all sarcastically, but once you start squinting and cooing and responding to the name “Doc” they’ll realize who you are.  Bonus idea: if you really want to do this up right, go to a thrift store and buy an early 90′s fluorescent jogging suit.  Have your date buy a red suit jacket and you can be Marlena and JohnasRoman on The Docks upon her return from her island prison. 
3. Jerry Jacks-This is good for the boyfriend/husband that doesn’t enjoy dressing up.  Basically all you need to do is get him up and out the door.  Upon entering the party, just have him tell everyone that he’s Jerry Jacks and he’s had extensive plastic surgery and has changed nationalities once again. 
4. The Heathers-This is something that I always wanted to do, but for some reason, it never got off the ground.  You need four girls: the three Heathers and one Veronica.  If you have a big group, you can throw in a JD or a Martha Dumptruck.  Since I have long dark hair and love Shannen Doherty, I would be Heather Duke.  Your two blonde friends can be Heather Chandler and Heather McNamera while your friend that thinks she’s above it all would be perfect for Veronica.  All you have to do is go to your local thrift store and buy some color blocked Eighties wear: blazers, skirts, shoes, stockings, etc.  (Let’s be honest, you can probably get a lot of this at Forever XXI or something.) Bonus: Bring croquet mallets and a clipboard for The Lunch Time Poll. 
5. Professional Ballroom Dancers: This could be a little difficult, but it’s worth it.  First go to your local fabric store and buy all the sequins and fringe you can get your hands on.  Then start cutting up old leotards.  Assemble this outfit.  If you look like a half-naked mess of glitter and Lycra, you’re halfway there!  Throw on some high heels, slather your makeup on and pull your hair up in a severe up-do.  For your guy, talk him into some really tight pants and matching sparkly fitted top.  Okay, easier said than done.  If that fails, have him wear whatever he wants and just say he’s Master P.
6. Sam McCall-This is what I am going as.  Again, this is one of those fairly last minute ideas, but I realized I could really pull it off when I was trying to make a point at work the other day.  There I was, my freshly highlighted hair, my petite stature, gesturing wildly in a form fitting top and knee high boots.  All that was missing was a round of “I would have done anything for you, Jason!  I loved you!  I would ride or die for you in a way that the Arizona Cardinals would never have for Matt Leinert!”  So here’s my costume: I am going as Drunk Sam, so I am going to tease my hair, throw on lots of Hard Candy makeup, wear one of my signature mini dresses, Lucite shoes, multiple necklaces and walk around with a mystery cocktail.  Since I currently do not have a boyfriend, I can play this up nicely by hitting on other girls’ boyfriends and then say things like “it’s my hot body, I do what I want!” and “I can’t have a child!”  People will probably just think I’m a drunken slut, but really is there much difference anymore (and I love Sam–but still!)?  Bonus: This is also a good idea if you have a boyfriend that doesn’t get the holidays and hates dressing up.  Just go as Sam and Jason.  He can wear his jeans, a regular t-shirt, and then do something horrendous to his hair.  He’ll probably look bored and morose the whole time which just makes things even better.  Don’t forget the leather jackets!