It’s birthday time at the Darling Manse. Speaking of which, did you notice that the whole family minus Brian still live at home? While that may be unrealistic, that is a classic staple of primetime soaps. Dallaswouldn’t have been the same if JR lived in some penthouse instead of the second floor of Southfork.
Anyway, the Twins are still fighting over the whole Natalie Kimpton fiasco. While the reason for the feud between Juliet and Natalie may be ridiculous, I enjoy the fact that it is a legitimate feud and not one cooked up for tabloid covers or reality shows. Since Jeremy and Juliet can’t get it together to share a party (with a budget of one million), they decide to hold competing parties for one million each. Did I mention that this birthday is extra special since the Twins will be turning 25 and each will get their hands on a $25 million trust. “It’s their first checkbook” a cheery Letitia notes. Oh Tish, where were you when I got my first checkbook?
Fittingly, Jules decides to throw a Marie Antoinette-themed party. I’m not sure if she got the idea from the recent Sofia Coppola movie or the party Holly threw for herself on The Girls Next Door. Jeremy, meanwhile, is going to celebrate his birthday and his impending fatherhood at the Brooklyn Bridge. He’s nothing if not a visionary.
Nick, meanwhile, has to referee all this madness while hanging out with Blair Underwood. Okay, Blair Underwood’s character has a name (Simon Elder) but he is allegedly Russian (was this name Anglo-sized?) yet speaks without an accent. I’m completely lost on this whole plot. All I do know is that Dutch and Simon were friends and that Simon was the mysterious “C” in Dutch’s writings.
Karen is glorious as always. Freddie wants to go to Cuba for his bachelor party but Karen nixes that since Tripp doesn’t want anyone not named Darling taking the jet anywhere. Although what would Freddy do in Cuba at this point? Is it all sex and mojitos as portrayed in the film version of Miami Vice? Freddy’s next plan is to hold it at some exclusive club that Patrick is a member at. Patrick is horrified at the thought but is eventually won over when Karen starts dropping hints about his relationship with Carmelita.
And what of our favorite clergyman and his son turned Swedish Orphan? Brian’s wife convinces him to read a bible lession about lying and going to hell. Hmm, since lying is a common them in this episode, maybe Brian needs to pass the Good Book around. Scared of eternal damnation, Little Gustav comes clean to Brian’s wife who quickly proceeds to ask for a divorce and kicks both Brians out of the house. A tearful Brian breaks down in Nick’s office and the good lawyer tells him to fight for the marriage. In the meantime, father and son move into the Darling Mansion, inhabiting Brian’s old room. Okay, this show has officially become The Royal Tenenbaums: all of the dysfunctional children living under one roof in New York, secrets and lies and bunk beds. Throw in some Dalmatian mice and we’ve got a direct to television sequel.
So the twins throw their parties. Juliet’s is an elegant affair with beautiful dresses and powdered wigs held at the mansion. I want to know where the other family members are during this. Of course Jeremy is chillin’ at the Bridge, but what about Karen or Tripp and Tish? Do they go to the Waldorf for occasions like this? Freddie seems like he’s always down for a godo time, where is he? Of course Julie misses her brother and leaves her party midway to go find him.
At the Brooklyn Bridge, a drunken Jeremy is trying to work up the nerve to ask Natalie if she’s really pregnant. Natalie dodges the question but eventually admits that she isn’t. This coupled with the fact that he’s without Juliet, sets him over the edge (almost literally) as he scales the railing to bust out a horribly bad rendition of “All by Myself” in a pair of boxer briefs. Between that and Juliet’s unironic uttering of the “let them eat cake” line, my eyes were rolling into the back of my head. This is supposed to be deliciously soapy, but it’s just coming off as cheap laughs. Do you really think Fallon and Steven would have behaved like this?
Nick saves the day once again by bailing out Jeremy and taking him home. Somehow they end up in Tripp’s study (is this where he was hiding out while the Court of Versailles partied above?) and he clashes with his wayward son about his hard-partying ways. Finally. You would think we would have seen this conversation before since all the family hopes are resting on Patrick right now. Tripp mentions that Jeremy has been lackadaisical since he left college which makes me wonder how long Jeremy actually spent in school. Did Juliet go to school too? If so, I’m proud of them, even if they didn’t finish. That’s more than I can say for a lot of celebutants. Juliet and Jeremy have another one of their heart-to-hearts on the terrace and they both decide to delay receiving their trust funds. That makes sense as neither one is financially responsible but where are they getting the money that they currently spend? Tish’s checkbook? An allowance? Juliet’s acting gigs? Jeremys’ songwriting? These are the kinds of things I would like to see addressed. Finally, to appease his father, Jeremy decides to get a job. In the previews for next week, it looks as if Jeremy will be a valet, but I would have pictured him in one of those vanity jobs that rich kids take like working in the mailroom at an agency or talent scout at a record company.
I wanted to close with this: I still like this show, but I think it’s getting a little too cutesy-humorous and straying away from the soapy goodness as promised in the pilot. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the little gems that Karen comes up with (the “luckiest orphan in the world” to Brian Jr. was priceless) but I need some more blackmailing and bed-hopping. I know Nick is supposed to be the show’s Moral Center, but how boring is his wife, Lisa? The whole thing with the ant paintings was pointless. If this show sticks around he’ll have to be paired with Karen again (unless she turns out to be his sister) but how is that going to work? Dutch George can feel free to come back from the dead anytime between now and May Sweeps.
I just think there’s tonal issues. What do you think? Am I being too harsh or not harsh enough?
