Just a Simple Girl with a Dream

Last time, auditions for the 2006 Tampa Bay Buccaneers Squad began, Veronica drove all the way from Texas, Tiffany took wood shop, Tomoko needed to make the squad so she could keep her Visa and Aubrey went to Dillards.

We begin with more interviews.  Sandy interviews Lauren and takes her to task for not smiling during the audition.  Lauren explains that she was on the dance team in college and made those awkward “cheer faces”.  Have you ever watched one of those cheerleading competitions on ESPN2 wherein the girls have the severe ponytails, caked on makeup and really exaggerated facial expressions?  Well, take away the severe ponytails and that’s a prime mental picture of how some fo these girls look while dancing. 

Back at training camp (I think this is Day 2, as opposed to Day 55 like some other team’s camp) Sandy tries to get Lauren to smile.  I think Sandy would have an easier time getting Posh Beckham to bust a smile. 

I think this show is really an infomercial for the University of South Florida because we’re there again as we follow Rachel to class.  Apparently she’s an education major and gives a little presentation during one of her classes. This must be the “At Work with the Cheerleaders” segment, because now we’re at the TV Station where Monica works as an accountant.  Guess what?  Mily works at the station, too.  Methinks that if Mily makes the squad too, the TV station can do one of those feel-good, human interests stories on them.  I don’t know what Kymberli does for a living, but she likes to jog around her neighborhood with her dogs.  Erica works out at Lifestyle Family Fitness which must be the official gym of the TBBC because it’s shown about as much as USF. 

There’s really no rhyme or reason to this series when it comes to transitioning between segments because all of a sudden it’s time for Sandy’s Backstory.  Sandy is a former Bucs cheerleader, a five time Captain and earned a spot in the Pro-Bowl (shades of Dorie Grogan. Speaking of which, Sandy and Dorie should totally have a Dance Off.  Winner takes the State of Florida).  She started as an assistant and now she is the Cheerleading Director.  Since she was once in their shoes, she totally sympathizes with the candidates and knows how nervous they are.  They show a few pictures from her own tenure as a cheerleader and she has really big hair.  Also the uniforms have improved tenfold.

Backstage before the auditions, Veterans and Rookies alike are a bundle of nerves.  The narrator explains that in addition to the required dancing, the candidates can also perform a special talent, be it singing, tumbling, other styles of dancing, etc.  Anna, a Rookie candidate performs a spastic routine that Sandy dubs a “high school talent show”.  Tiffany shows up but her CD snaps in half so she has to make up a new routine on the spot to a different song.  Sahara is up next and Sandy thinks that she could be too young for the team.  She does really well in the dance but is put on the spot when Sandy asks her what her plans will be for the year ahead.  Sandy’s Co-Judge tells her that she has “a chance to mold a young woman”.  I really like Sandy but she’s a Cheerleading Director, not a King Maker.  Veteran Erica, who looks like a prettier Tara Reid, is really nervous and Sandy can tell.  It’s not her best performance and it may hurt her.  Non-smiling Lauren forgot her number (not her routine, the one pinned to her chest) and has to make a new one on the fly using mascara.  She’s like MacGuyver.  MacGuyver who frowns.  Mily is super cute but gets lost during her routine.  Despite being super popular, Rachel wasn’t going to re-audition but then changed her mind.  Sandy questions her about this to make sure that she’s here for the right reasons.  She’ll still have to dye her hair if she makes the squad.  Kymberli performs a great routine but still has weight issues.  Apparently this is not a new issue for her as she went through similar issues on her college dance team and then eventually quit because of it.  Tomoko is really nervous and gets really upset because she may lose her entertainment Visa. 

At the end of auditions, Sandy and her Co-Judge lay out all the headshots on the floor of the gym, placing them in “Yes” “No” and “Maybe” piles.  What happened to Tech Guy?  Did his laptop break?

So here’s the only misstep (in my opinion) in this whole audition process: the squad unveiling at a sports bar.  All the girls show up with their family and friends, order food, and then watch a presentation on the squad.  It’s kind of like The Dundies, only more awkward.  All 51 girls’ pictures are projected on a giant television screen.  Slowly, some of the pictures begin to disappear.  If your picture goes away then you didn’t make the team.  The only problem is that the pictures are kind of small and some of the girls look alike.  Plus, your whole family is there so if you didn’t make it, do you really want to stick around and eat your cheese fries? Aubrey, Tiffany, Sahara, Anna, Mily, Veronica, and Crystal make it.  Kymberli and Lauren (should have smiled!) are out.  See, that’s what I’m talking about.  Lauren is sitting next to Veronica who did make it.  How awkward is that?  Plus their friends are there.  They’re good sports about it thought and Kymberli vows to work hard to make it next year.

We flashback to the selection process where Sandy is debating whether or not to let Erica remain on the team.  Apparently Lauren was on the bubble but adding her to the squad would have made 29 cheerleaders and the squad has to be an even number so she was placed back into the “no” pile.  That’s got to be something to frown about.

Each year the squad holds a retreat which is kind of like those sorority bonding weekends.  The Rookies act as bellmen to the Veterans, hauling their luggage up to their hotel rooms.  Both Tomoko and Tiffany show up late.  Bad idea jeans as Sandy is not pleased.  While Tomoko is only five minutes late, Tiffany is more than 45 minutes behind schedule and doesn’t even call.  That’s ill-advised.  Also ill-advised: Tiffany’s collection of faux Vuitton she’s dragging into the hotel.

This weekend is all about getting to know each other and manufacturing friendships.  For instance, a Veteran bunks with a Rookie in each room.  Another bonding activity involves the Veterans dressing up the Rookies like idiots.  I would so hate this.  For example, Veronica has to wear  an over-sized T-shirt that reads “Everything is bigger and better in Florida”.  Mily is forced to dress like Milli Vanilli.  Oh Mily, don’t blame it on the rain, blame it on your big sisters who are forcing you to wear a dreadlocks wig.  We learn that Crystal was a former Bulls dancer and has to wear tin foil horns.  Don’t ask.  For the duration of the day, the girls have to wear these ridiculous costumes and carry around their ridiculous props.  I would so be in Hell.

Speaking of Hell, it’s time for body fat testing.  The Bucs kick it old school and just use the pinch test caliper thing as opposed to the Bod Pod.  Sidenote: I really like the Making the Squad series, but they’re just not as fun to snark at as Making the Team.  I think that’s because they don’t make the girls put on bikinis and sit in time capsules.  Nor do they tape the girls jumping out of planes.  What we do see is a routine the Rookie choreograph for the Veterans.  See, that’s bonding.  Bonding without dragging your teammates around a grassy field in an inner tube so you can win beauty products. 

Natalie, a Veteran Cheerleader who I don’t recall meeting until now, teaches the girls Pilates.  See, proper fitness training without the use of an oversized tire.  Can you imagine it?

The girls participate in a team-building exercise in which each team must design a boat and float one of their members across the pool in it.  Easier said than done as the boats are made out of cardboard boxes and immediately dissolve upon entry into the water. You know what’s great about this? That the girls aren’t wearing Bucs-branded bikinis. 

Next it’s time for my favorite segment: the uniforms.  They girls pretty lucky because they’re uniforms are super cute.  One version is the red halter top and short skirt and the other is the red, pewter and black top with the short shorts.  Both versions have rhinestones so I’m loving it.   After being fitted for their new clothes, the girls attend a powerpoint presentation on what it means to be a cheerleader.  Basically they’re ambassadors for the NFL and are expected to act like it. 

So here’s something interesting: I guess the cheerleaders don’t have a dedicated on-site practice facility as they hold their first rehearsal at the oft-referenced Lifestyle Family Fitness.  Interesting.  Do you think that guys find out they rehearse there and join up just to watch them?  The girls wear super cute black and red practice uniforms and they all seem to dance pretty well in their new black boots (finally!).  It looks like Sandy choreographs the routines which is refreshing because we barely see Judy do anything but call out corrections.  All in all, a pretty good first rehearsal.  Sandy tells the squad how pleased and proud she is of all of them.  Of course, she’ll go to make half of them over.

Next time: Makeovers!  Fan Day!  Calendar shoot! Holla!