Kelli begins by saying that the first day of training camp is “overwhelming”. She’s correct, but I would have added: “tedious”, “ridiculous” and “eight more weeks to go!”. The girls assemble inside a classroom as Kelli speaks to them from a podium and explains that they will be cutting a field of 45 down to 36. What a way to start out camp, Kelli! After that little “pep talk” Kelli’s assistant takes the girls on a tour of the lockerroom. Brooke remarks that she wants to “walk in here next year and have (her) picture up”. Guess what? She did.
Judy interviews that the girls are “about to enter military boot camp”. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Jay and his workouts are the most pointless and ridiculous aspect of the show. Besides really, when I think of military boot camps, flipping over tires isn’t exactly what comes to mind. Jay drones on and on about how the women need to have “the mentality of a soldier” because performing high kicks and splits in short shorts is akin to fighting in battles for our country. If you say so, Jay. So Jay has put together some NFL Draft Combines or something wherein the women must do push-ups, sit-ups and a two mile run so they earn the Power Squad T-shirt. (You know, the one worth “a million bucks”.) Sadly, only two Power Squad T-shirts are awarded, one to Starr (which I’m sorry, but that name will forever inovoke memories of The Lost Boys ) and Kirsten, who I know nothing about.
After the break, Brooke, Julie and Julia 2.0 are apartment hunting. They actually find a pretty cute apartment. I miss apartment living. I guess they like the apartment, too, because they totally pick bedrooms before signing the lease. Brooke is bummed because she’s drawn the short stick which means that she has the smallest room and the smallest closet.
Back at the Ranch, Jay is giving his tired body fat speech. Apparently everyone can stand to lose 3% body fat. Really, Jay? Should we go back and look at the body fat chart so we can see that these girls fall in the risky category as is? First up is Dinesha, a Rookie candidate, whom Jay describes as “large framed”. She has an excess of five pounds which is “risky”. Dear God, Jay. Five pounds, say it ain’t so? He’s “never seen that heavy of a cheerleader”. I put Jay in the same category as Dr. Phil: people who annoy me that seemingly do more harm than good.
When discussing Brooke’s fitness, Jay trots out the old “Uniform is unforgiving” quote and says that she has an “uphill battle”. According to Jay, she “may feel good about herself” but she needs to look at the girls next to her and run more. This is probably true, but I can’t help but think this is feeding into women’s seeming obsession with weight in this culture. Way to reinforce it, Jay!
In practice, the girls come out in their dance uniforms. Veterans wear pink tops and the Rookies wear white. Tonight’s exercise: high kicks and jump splits! While the girls dance, Kelli makes notes about the girls and wears a Dolly Parton-esque coat of many colors. Where does she shop? She dictates that Kelli needs to soften up on her makeup. True, but what’s the point of having he girls show up in heavy makeup in practice? Kelli explains that the high kick and jump split is their signature move and if she and Judy see a girl struggle in camp, they don’t want to waste their time and ours. Really? Explain Loni to me.
After practice, Kelli requests that a few girls stay behind for evaluations. Surprise, surprise, Kelli comes out of her office and calls Dinesha in. Is Kelli playing the part of Kelli’s assistant tonight? Dinesha is counseled on her weight and Kelli interviews that The Uniform is unforgiving. Drink! Man, that must be one bitch of a Uniform. Question: if the DCC Uniform is unforgiving, is the Tampa Bay Bucs’ Uniform a coldhearted shrew? Seriously, don’t assign emotions to inanimate objects. Dinesha promises to work on her weight and Kelli lets her go. When Kalli is up, Kelli lets her know that a lot of the judges didn’t care for her, but Kelli saw something in her. Kelli wants her to soften up the makeup and work on her nervousness. Kalli starts to tear up and Kelli is very sweet with her. Yoshiko walks in and is told that she needs to work on her kicks, because we all know how much of a harsh mistress the high kicks can be.
Next time: The girls are fitted for The “unforgiving” Uniform, someone drops out of camp, and Deryn may need surgery.
[...] Classic DCC: Season 1, Episode 2: or “The Unforgiven” [...]