Kelli begins by explaining that training camp is “constant evaluations”. We are then treated to several shots of the girls stretching their legs in various awkward poses. It’s the weight episode because Ryan is told that she’s bottom heavy. Meanwhile, the girls are having a hard time learning a new routine. Brooke says that it’s easy to learn one routine but it gets harder as they learn more and more dances. I notice that she isn’t wearing her patented rookie uniform of pink sports bra and blue hot pants. Then I see that other girls are wearing assorted outfits too and I wonder if hell has frozen over.
On to more important things, Julia 2.0 interviews that she’s been tasked to read a book on Jackie Onassis. Judy backs this up in her own interview and hopes that Julia 2.0 will get to be a little more “polished”. I’m sorry but this is the stupidest idea ever. Because being First Lady of the United States and a fashion icon is on par with professional cheerleading. I’m not knocking professional cheerleading, I just think if they’re going to assign biographies why not Liz Taylor’s? (I’m not even going to get into the whole Dallas/Kennedy connection.)
At home, Julia 2.0 claims that the book is teaching her how to “be more poised and how to learn to say the right things at the right time”. Really, why not just have her read The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Making It Through Thirty Weeks of Training Camp?
We’ll have to wait on more “Life Lessons for Cheerleaders by Jackie Onassis” because we’re now at the USO Headquarters at the DFW Airport. The cheerleaders pose for photographs and sign autographs for our troops on their way back to the Middle East. It’s really sweet that they do this and poor Veteran Megan Fox tears up as she describes her experience interacting with our troops.
They’re really cramming a lot into this episode as we’re at Premier Atelier for the makeover segment! Leah, a blonde, is going to to have her hair darkened, but Michael Hutchence promises that she’s still going to be a blonde. Leah and Kelli agree that the change will look good and that it will make her eyes “pop”. So color Leah surprised when she emerges from the shampoo bowl and sees that she’s now a bright redhead. One of the other cheerleaders asks Leah if she’s surprised. Cut to Leah looking pissed. In the back, Michael Hutchence consults with the other stylists on how they’re going to fix Leah’s hair. Kelli interviews that Leah was at the salon for about eight hours. It’s funny, because I swear I’ve seen this before, only the cheerleader was named Aubrey and it happened in Tampa. Michael Hutchence cuts and styles Leah’s hair and I can’t say that she looks younger but it definitely looks “bigger”.
For this week’s boot camp exercise, Jay has once again commandeered the indoor practice facility and makes the girls split into teams to run some busted-ass obstacle course. It basically consists of throwing handballs back and forth, jumping on a trampoline, jumping rope, and lifting weights. Group 2 wins but I’m not sure what they win, except for satisfaction, because the prize is never revealed.
On to the photo shoot! This has to be the most action packed episode yet. Basically, this portion of training camp is to see if the girls are photogenic and look good in the uniform. If you ask me, it seems cruel to give a girl a uniform, give her a makeover and take her picture and then cut her later in the week, but I guess that’s why I only write about these things. At the shoot, the girls really come alive in The Uniform. I’m glad to see that the ubiquitous white ottoman is in full effect during the individual photos. You know what I wish? That instead of lounging on a white ottoman, Kelli would spring for a white tiger or something. They could take the girls to the Mirage, set them up in Seigfried and Roy’s Magical Garden and the girls could pose with the tigers. I know that white tigers have nothing to do with cowboys, but neither do white ottomans so there.
On the playback computer, Kelli notices that Kandi comes across as heavy on film. I’m not seeing it but Kelli reiterates that Kandi is too short and heavy for The Uniform. The weight Kandi can do something about, but I don’t get the height thing. Besides, there are other short girls on the squad. Also, the uniform is basically like an extended bikini, I’m not really sure how it makes anyone look short. Maybe my lack of insight into this matter is perhaps why I’m not making the big bucks in cheerleading directing.
Back at practice, Julia 2.0 is still having problems learning the finer details of the routines. Poor Julia 2.0 (it doesn’t get any easier the second year either). We cut to later on in the evening when Kelli gathers the other girls in a circle to listen to Julia 2.0′s report on “Jackie Onassis Kennedy”. That’s right, Kelli referred to her as “Jackie Onassis Kennedy” as opposed to “Jackie Kennedy Onassis”. Julia 2.0 stands up and is about to drop some knowledge when Judy reminds her to “tuck her bottom under”. With that in check, Julia 2.0 keeps referring to her subject as Jackie O-nay-sis and then likens her to Kelli. I’m not really sure what Julia 2.0 is trying to say a) as she’s obviously nervous and b) has no idea what she’s talking about. In an interview Julia 2.0 says that Julia 2.0 is less like the real Julia Roberts and more like the J.Ro character in Pretty Woman–pretty, yet lacking poise and verbal skills. (I love that she just compared Julia 2.0 to a character who was a hooker. One with the proverbial heart of gold, mind you, but still.)
After practice, Kelli and Judy counsel Brooke about her weight. She’s is gaining weight instead of losing it but is given a chance to turn it around. Ryan is next and Kelli says that she has more weaknesses than strengths at this point and it’s time for her to pack her belongings and leave Valley Ranch. In response to cutting the girls, Judy interviews that the worst part for her would be to have to go home and tell her family and friends that she was cut. I agree, especially after all the effort, time and money that one has to put into this. Kandi enters Kelli’s office, already crying (she’s upset for Ryan). She also gets the weight lecture from Kelli but they think she is pretty and a good enough performer to stick around.
Next time: Mechanical bulls and America’s Sweetheart, Kitty Carter!
