Don’t quote me, but I am pretty sure that Ava has held Steve, Hope, and the Brady siblings for a longer period of time than her actual relationship with “Patch”. (I really love writing “Patch” in all quotes, because I think it’s funny that this woman refers to the “love of her life” as an inanimate object. I, too, have called previous ex-boyfriends “Belt”, “Sideburns”, and my favorite “Ralph Lauren Polo Shirt, Large”.)
This plot just keeps dragging and dragging on, which is only made worse by all the flashbacks to the Ava and Patch “courtship”. Yeah, just call me Valerie Cherish, because “I don’t wanna see that!” So after numerous sex flashbacks, we finally got to the most important one; aka “The Aborted Wedding that Ruined Ava’s Life”. In case you missed this, just go rent Kill Bill Volume 2, because it’s basically the same thing, only without gunshots. There’s a tiny Southwestern church, Steve looks like David Carradine, and Ava is wearing a white minidress and picked her own bouquet (I’ll be honest, I found that detail charming). So all of a sudden, Steve gets these memory flashes about his yacht wedding to Kayla, trips out, and leaves, only to be kidnapped. After what seems like an hour, Ava follows him outside and realizes that he’s gone. This would have been so much more effective if Ava and Steve weren’t narrating the whole thing. Has anyone on this writing staff ever heard of “Show, not Tell”? If not, I can be hired for my exclusive consultation services!
Speaking of people being held hostage, I have to wonder if poor Nick Fallon is somewhere on Ava’s property as well. That’s the only reason I can come up with as to why we haven’t seen him lately. I really don’t understand why this character isn’t being utilized. I thought his pairing with Chelsea was pretty popular, but I guess setting up a core character in her early twenties with a new doctor twice her age is somehow more tantalizing. I don’t know what’s older: Dr. Jonas himself, or all that surfer talker he keeps uttering. If you like surfing so much, Daniel, why did you land in Salem? Are the waves that tasty in Salem’s lake/harbor/river? I just don’t get it: why can’t a doctor just be a doctor anymore? Dr. Jonas is some aging frat boy and GH‘s Dr. Devlin is a mobbed up assassin? Doctors make enough money; there’s no need for moonlighting.
While we’re on the subject, I think my DVR forgot to record the episode in which it was revealed that EJ Wells is an attorney. What an overachiever! Not only is he a handsome, European race car driver, partner in Mythic Communications and an American citizen about to be deported to England, but he’s also a lawyer! Stefano must be so proud. Why couldn’t this have been revealed so much earlier? How great would it have been for EJ to stand trial for all the bad things he did and then represent himself…and win? Alas, I feel that since EJ works for Mickey, his chances of ever winning a case are slim to none. Unless he’s representing someone crazy like Ava. Then he’ll defend her to the fullest extend of his capabilities and she’ll be exonerated for all of her crimes, only to inflict more angst into the Steve/Kayla arch for years to come!
This Ava kidnapping has lasted at least as long as Bo’s “dying” did. I can’t believe that Steve and Ava have had more hot sexy moments then combining any of the popular couples on this show in the last 12 months. Hell, you can even add in the unpopular couples too.
Don’t get me started on missing Nick. I’m probably the biggest Chick fan out there and it’s hard enough to see them pushing Chelsea towards a guy who is not only a giant tool but way too old for her at the same time, but having Nick missing on canvas is pretty insulting. This week is going to be a pivotal week for Chelsea and if Nick is missing as much as he has been, I guess that pretty much tells me what to think there.
Poor Bo. How long ago was it that his beloved pop was killed? Then he has the monthday surgery and now he’s stuck in another monthday with Ava. He needs a vacation.