When I think of Independence Day, I think of firework, cookouts, and Will Smith saving the world from aliens. I think this is where I (and most normal people) differ from Bob Guza, because I don’t consider Iraq War Veterans beating up women to be a proper celebration of our nation’s birthday. Especially since said Veteran has had no part in the show since May and they’re basically just doing this so someone will have an excuse to kill him. Because if there’s one thing we’ve learned from watching this show, it’s that General Hospital loves to kill off characters like a fat kid loves eating cake. Really, why wouldn’t they? They killed how many characters last year and were then rewarded with the Daytime Emmy! I criticize Lost for getting bored with characters and offing them, but at least it makes sense on that show: they’re on a semi-mystical tropical island surrounded by monsters and barefoot yokels. General Hospital is a show purportedly about a hospital but is essentially about two, kindhearted, yet misunderstood gangsters and the misguided women that love them.
This whole Logan plotline irritates me because it just reeks of “we ran out of storyline for this kid even though he’s the son of Scott Baldwin so let’s just kill him so we can have another whodunnit”. Can’t anyone leave town anymore? Apparently not: if you’re out on this show you’re either in a box or a permanent vegetative state. (I would love to see the town’s “Welcome” sign. I bet it includes something choice like “the only way out is death”. ) Sometime earlier this year, Logan was marginalized beyond belief in favor of the succubus that is Johnny and Lulu. Now, if you believe backstage rumors, the actor wasn’t well-liked on the set, and this was a sort of punishment. I’m not really sure if I believe that, since I feel like the Johnny loves Lulu storyline punishes me everyday and I don’t collect a paycheck from ABC Daytime. Anyway, Logan does nothing for months except silently push Anthony Zacchara in a wheelchair (and honestly, shouldn’t AZ have a little scooter or something?) and now, out of nowhere, he’s pushing drugs in and out of the hospital and obsessed with Lulu? Did the writers take that one out of the “Writing Anvils for Dummies” book?
Meanwhile, Kate is busy planning the social event of the season: her wedding to Sonny that will be featured on eight, glossy pages in her magazine. I love how no one seems excited for her. Look, we all have those friends that are with guys that we don’t really like, but we can at least muster up a “that’s great! I’m so happy for you!”. We’re lying through our teeth and our fingers are crossed, but we go with it, because we care about our friends. The nicest thing anyone can say to Kate is that her ring is beautiful and hopefully she’ll get to keep it when Sonny and Carly reunite in Hell. I’m calling it right now: I bet we get a “ripped from the cinemas” plotline where Kate shows up to the venue in a couture gown and Sonny can’t get out of his limo, a la Sex and the City. I can see Kate’s Blackberry falling to the ground in slow motion as we speak. Alexis will play the Charlotte role and yell at Sonny since she does it regularly every six months.
Back to Crimson for a minute: I do love how self-serving Kate is being with all this. It’s very Jane Pratt of her. Isn’t this a magazine for younger women? Does Kate actually think her readers are going to want to read about her wedding to a known gangster? What’s next? Will she appear on the cover of every issue like she’s Oprah? I can see it now: November: Kate’s Dream Wedding! December: At Home with Kate for the Holidays! February: Kate’s Heartbreak!
