Honestly, what the hell happened to my beloved Jackie Taylor? Jackie Taylor, the Queen of Teen Soap Opera MILFS? (Come on, people, she paved the way for Julie Cooper.) She was a trailblazer; a Susan. B Anthony of fabulously wealthy, alimony-loving single moms. Her first appearance on the show was in a fringed bikini! That’s right, fringe. Now she lives there. She’s sporting some second rate Diane Keaton-meets-Annette Benning haircut and living in what appears to be an already furnished apartment somewhere most likely below Sunset. I mean, I know she had to sell Kelly’s frosted glass tile dream house, but still. Has it really come to this?
I mean, where the hell is Mel? I know from the Pilot that he cheated on Jackie and they got divorced (again) but where did he go? Why can’t Silver stay with him? Or off-screen Tori and Dean Donna and David? Of course now she has to be the pet project of both Kelly and Silk Stalkings and Lady Mossimo. As soon as I saw Silver sitting all mopey with Dixon and Annie at the kitchen table, I was like “this is just like when they took Dylan in”. Except the Walshes took Dylan in several times: when he cracked his ribs surfing, when Jack “died”, etc., etc. Silver has a lot to live up to. Maybe I was wrong and we’ll get the Bel Age Hotel potted plant throwing from Silver and not Ty, the tallest guy in Southern California.
In other news, Naomi discoverd her dad was cheating on her mother and her mother was fine with it because she’s become accustomed to a lifestyle of botox and Barnies. How very Bret Easton Ellis of her. When Naomi was just sitting there having a meltdown in her hideous off-white ensemble, all I could think of was a) Naomi is an ugly crier and b) all Naomi’s mother needed was a Tab, a Betamax collection and a pool boy to ogle and she could be a character out of The Informers. Oh and does Naomi live at the beach or is that just one of their two houses? Need I point out how far away the beach is from Beverly Hills? Also, if she lives at the beach (even part of the time) does this mean no Beverly Hills Beach Club? Where will Dixon work in the summertime?
Meanwhile, in a car across town, Kelly Taylor is getting to know Mr. Matthews. We also learned that Sammy’s dad was someone who Kelly knew in high school (which could be the obvious: Brandon or Dylan) that she reconnected with (or perhaps someone less obvious like that guy Kyle who was played by the kid from Hey Dude who then played Blossom’s boyfriend, Vinny, although I think he may have been gay on this show). Who knows? This baby’s blonde so it could be Steve’s for all we know. If it is Steve’s, I bet Sammy’s a lock for the legacy key.
Missing in action tonight: Brenda Walsh and Lucille Bluth (I don’t remember Grandma’s real name, sue me). Seriously, how can you have an episode without the two most fabulous castmembers? Oh, I know, by setting the whole thing in a bowling alley? WTF? As someone who has been to multiple Lucky Strikes (don’t ask), I don’t understand anchoring a fledgling show’s third episode there but I hope they got a good product placement deal out of it. I will hand it to Silk Stalkings, though. While bowling might not be my thing, his idea of “family fun” trumps Jim Walsh’s “hey guys, let’s sit around my Casio keyboard for a singalong!”
Hehe yes, Jackie was a complete mess and terrible to see.
I tell you, I really think Steve could be the father of that kid. I just don’t see Brandon not being part of his kids life and I kind of have a problem with Dylan doing that as well, but Steve I could see. I think they’ll wait and see who gives in to an appearance and that’ll be the dad.
Bowling night, while lame, was kinda sweet. The parentals were so cool about their kids inviting everyone along and then heading off to do their own thing. Mine would have been pissed.
Now that Silver is living with Kelly, is she not going to be able to go out with the teacher? Silver was a little hung up on that, so we’ll see.
Why was my first thought also completely real estate related?!?! Trading posh glass bricks for a pre-fab shit-box is more depressing than the apparent alcohol abuse. And let’s be frank, a cavalier attitude toward booze is what makes T.V. great.
“Get out!!!! I’m tired of both of you!” (ice rattles in the glass.)
P.S. I bet fashion-forward Kelly’s baby can hide the legacy key in his Crocs.
Yeah, I think that Kel dating the teacher would definitely crash and burn with Silver living there. Now I read today that JG and SD know who the baby daddy is and it will be revealed in a later script. I just don’t know which one will cave into appearing first: Luke Perry or Priestley?
And we all know that Casa Jackie Taylor is actually in the Valley! Do you think Jackie Taylor gets drunk with Linda Gray’s character? I mean Jackie is technically the definition of a liar, a tramp and an unfit mother.