Just a Simple Girl with a Dream

LSU/Auburn. Florida/Tennessee.  Georgia/Arizona State.  FSU/Wake Forest.  UCLA is playing Arizona at Home so they could actually put some points on the board this week, meanwhile, across town Vinny Chase Mark Sanchez and Company are helping Audrina move out of LC’s house.  I guess you could say it’s shaping up to be a nice little Saturday.

The big story this weekend is the SEC.  With five teams in the Top 10, it’s going to get crazy as conference play begins.  But that’s always the story with the SEC: the teams start out strong and then cancel each other out like a divided tribe on Survivor.  I’m surprised CBS hasn’t suggested some sort of cross promotional tie-in where Jeff Probst shows up at Jordan-Hare Stadium to extinguish Auburn’s torch before banishing them to football Sequesterville with UCLA and Michigan.  You may be asking yourself “did she just come out and say that she expects Auburn to lose?” to which I would reply “Of course and I also expect 90210 to be cancelled sometime before December”.  You see, LSU has graciously decided to take time off from their busy schedule of hosting cupcake teams to remind us that they are, for all intents and purposes, the defending National Champions.  Auburn, on the other hand, held Mississippi State to two points last week.  Now a lot of teams have held Mississippi State down but most of those teams managed to score more than a field goal.  I know there’s some big excuse in there about strong Defenses and whatnot but sooner or later you’re going to have to move the ball and you can’t rely on your Defense to do it.  Trust me, I know this.  I’ve watched Florida State this decade.

Then there’s Florida and Tennessee, or as I call it “Jortsfest in Knoxville”.  Do I really care who wins?  No.  Do I know who will win?  Absolutely.  Florida without a doubt.  I mean when your quarterback can walk on water, outrun The Flash, and challenge Michael Phelps as the most overexposed athlete under 24, you know you’ve got it made.  Besides, they’re playing the Vols who lost their opener to UCLA, a team who then went and got annihilated by Brigham Young (the University and not the re-animated body of the former Mormon leader).  UCLA should just forfeit the rest of the season and I think Tennessee should just slink off in embarrassment. 

Georgia, in an an attempt to prove the “SEC Domination” hypothesis will travel to Arizona to play the Sun Devils.  Hmm, we all know that move worked out sooooooo well for Tennessee. I have to give Georgia credit though; that’s a pretty impressive trip, especially since members of the SEC usually stay…well…in the South.  I mean, Florida only travels a whole 145 miles to get to it’s farthest non-conference opponent, so hopping on a plane and switching time zones should get UGA some street cred.  They’ll win but perhaps not too convincingly and drop in the polls again.  I also expect Life on Mars to be plugged to High Heaven again, just like last week.  I’m sorry, that show doesn’t air until mid-October.  Does Kirk Herbstreit expect me to go into my DVR and set a season pass for something four weeks into the future or should I kick it old school and pencil it into my day-planner? 

Now for the “True Test”: Wake Forest at Florida State.  I’m sorry, but if Wake is the “True Test” what will Clemson be?  The SAT?  Is Florida the GMAT?  I swear, I don’t ever want to live in a world where one day I say to myself: “Duke…now they’re the Real Deal” but the sickening thing is that I’ll be talking about football and not basketball.  The ACC might not be the powerhouse conference that the SEC is but they still have the ability to turn the tables on one another and make a mess out of everything.  I’m a little concerned since FSU has lost to Wake two years in a row; some key Seminoles have told everyone short of Anderson Cooper that they’re going to win this game; and the fact that Bobby Bowden seems more interested in having a refreshing sweet tea delivered to him on the sidelines than the actual game, but I still think the Noles can do it.  They’re playing at home, Preston Parker’s back and they have two capable quarterbacks.  Speaking of quarterbacks, I feel kind of bad for Drew Weatherford; the poor kid is front and center on the cover of the Media Guide for God’s sake.  Granted, I wouldn’t start him either, but who knows what can happen?  I mean, look at this guy.  Not starting games in college worked out well for him.