This show, my God.
Silk Stalkings is setting up drug busts, Annie and Ethan are parenting a fake baby, Naomi’s taking the fall for Adriana’s coke possession, and everyone in Beverly Hills is watching Psycho at a cemetery. I’ll admit it: I missed Kelly and her somewhat, inappropriate tops for a high school guidance counselor. As I told JMTIV last night on the phone, when the ratings tank (and they will tank) how much money do you think they’ll throw at J. Garth, ShanDo, Tori Spelling, and/or Luke Perry? Oh and I’m hedging my bets that The Sarah Connor Chronicles is cancelled so that BAG can come on board. Plus, is it really that hard to find the actor that played Mel? They pulled Jackie Taylor from a church in Virginia for God’s sake.
In a storyline straight out of the Original Gangsta Saved by the Bell, Annie and Ethan are given an animatronic baby to take care of for a week or a month or perhaps the rest of the Full Season Order. Who the hell knows? I sure as hell wasn’t paying attention. I’m sorry, I see this plot all the time on TV shows, but does this ever happen in real life? I know when I took Health class we learned CPR, how to eat properly and then we were forced to watch the most horrible film on “the miracle of life” that was produced before the modern era of Brazilian waxes, but never, ever did a friend and I have to tote around a fake baby. Can you just imagine the problems with this exercise the Felice Martins of the new Millennium would have? Plus can you really expect a sixteen year old to stay up all night taking care of a baby (well I guess if you’re the Governor of Alaska you can)? These are issues I would take up with the principal, but Silk Stalkings is too busy keeping his mind off his psycho ex-high school girlfriend by busting everyone at West Bev for drugs.
Well Adriana did the unexpected and overdosed. Of course I’m being sarcastic. Let’s see, she’s a reoccurring cast member who’s been featured more than Navid, with a semi-abusive momager and unfortunate bangs: come on, she was headed for self-destruction. I would like to point out that JMTIV was correct in the fact that Ade’s mom eerily resembled someone who (Googles herself everyday) rhymes with “Mena Bohan” and should be excited with the shoutout in this episode. So was I the only one wondering if Adriana did, in fact, get the part? She kept saying that she did, after all, did she or did she not “rock the audition”? However, I thought she was lying. And maybe she was. But even if she did get the part, how much money did it pay? I thought it was pretty low budget, would that have really saved their house? Or perhaps they were just waiting on the the House to pass the Bailout Package. Who knows?
Then there’s 21 Jump Street meets Never Been Kissed. So Undercover Agent has inappropriate chemistry with Hottie Teacher who’s taken to online dating to get over Kelly. Dude, first of all, Brenda was dead on: Kelly’s got more baggage than the Samsonite Store. Secondly, online dating in LA is brutal; trust me, I once went out with (coincidence) a teacher who wanted to make extra money by posing for nude photos on the Internet and he wanted me to photograph him. Naturally I wasn’t terribly surprised that Hottie Teacher ended up with someone in a Herpes commercial. Laugh if you must, but you know she made bank since it was National. Plus, doesn’t it seem like everyone in a Herpes commercial is having the time of their lives? That was always my thought when I was single: I mean there I was sitting at home, lonely, while this person with Herpes was living it up kayaking, skiing and going to Jamaica thanks to Valtrex. We should all be so lucky.
Finally, Naomi’s mom looked like Jack Skellington in that suit she wore when she made out with Silk Stalkings, didn’t she? I guess we know that while the kids are enjoying Hitch at Hollywood Forever, she’ll be waiting in line for The Nightmare Before Christmas at the El Capitan.
I too wonder if there is a real health class where a teenage couple is expected to “care” for a “baby”. Wouldn’t it be better if they made them single parents?
Haven’t watched last night’s show but love your recap!
Thanks! Besides why would you watch the show now? No Kelly, No Brenda, but mucho Annie? I watch so no one else has to.
HA! I had to carry abound a 10 lb flour sack baby for a week for my child development class. Yeah, I said child development. I got to teach preschool for 2 hours a day, it kicked ass. Anyway, I didn’t have a fake husband but my boyfriend at the time would joke about “our child”. We left it in the car while we went to Pizza Hut. Oh, and some guy in my Spanish class drew a nazi swastica thing on the back of the panty hose head on the flour sack. Turning back the clock! hehe
That said, the show was terrible. Everyone does the fake baby thing. It was not remotely interesting. Nor was Jump Street. Nor was Adriana. Only Grandma and she was on for a second. Am I alone in hoping that Adriana actually died? We know Naomi will be all upset at her nasty message while her friend was dying. I really don’t care, but it would be a smidge more interesting.
Hilarious recap.