Just a Simple Girl with a Dream

Previously, Training Camp began and there were already problems: tests were taken, tests were failed; body fat was measured, and there were a lot of tears. 

This episode begins with Kitty coaching the three rookies that were sent to Kelli’s office last week: The Jordans and Kathryn.   Since this season seems less real (and more boring), I welcome Kitty’s presence.  At first, I didn’t get her and her in-your-face-ways but now I see her as a breath of fresh air.  Kitty states that when the Rookies are having trouble with their routines, they call her up and she comes over since she has a relationship wit most of them after teaching them in pre-audition classes.  (I wonder who picked up the tab for this little dance clinic.)  Kitty feels that Kathryn doesn’t have “much pop to her”.  I agree, she’s cute but I feel like she would be more at home at a college football game right now.  Jordyn K. is “boring” and smiles “like a flatliner”.  Kitty tries to help her by making her repeats some head snapping/hair tossing move over and over again that makes me want to invest in a neckbrace.  The other Jordan has come alive today and has the “cheer sex” eyes down pat.  I guess she “pops”.

I’m not sure when this actually occurred, but we move onto Uniform Fitting.  I feel like this comes earlier and earlier each year, but that could just be the editing.  If you’ve never witnessed this before, this is when all the girls are fitted for their potential uniforms even though they may not actually get to wear one.  While this may seem cruel and not particularly cost-effective since each uniform has to be custom-fitted, as we will find out, even if a girl is a fantastic dancer and in great shape, if she doesn’t have the right shape, she’ll never be able to put the stars on her belt.

First up is another Jordan (the one with short, dark hair).  My God, how many of them are there? I read one time that “Jessica” was the “Jennifer” of the Eighties which I guess makes “Jordan” the “Jessica” of the Nineties.  I’m calling it right now that twenty years from now when my non-existent daughter makes the squad for the Miami Dolphins that she won’t be the only Greenlee on that roster.  The fitting montage begins as Kelli and the costumer adjust and measure each girl.  We learn that the ratio from belly button to waste band can’t be too large and that the shorts are really tricky to size.  Also, tying the blouse is key (as is making sure that you have it on correctly).  According to Kelli, the knot for the blouse has to be tied around the bra, which most of the girls do not do correctly.  Good to know.  There is also a specific bra that the girls should wear, but we never learn which one (because I would totally go out and buy it so I can dance around my living room)  Lisa Rinna Crystal shows up to her fitting in a strapless bra which Kelli points out would be around her waste after a routine.  I bet it would also be really uncomfortable, but the whole uniform looks uncomfortable so there you go.  While Brandi is being fitted, Kelli notices her too long finger nails (with rhinestones!).  I’ve seen much worse, but Kelli says that they just won’t do and needs to be trimmed.  In a voiceover, Kelli mentions that they get a lot of girls with “bad hair, bad makeup and bad taste.”  Not only is it a Cheerleading program, but it’s also a finishing school. Or something.  Some of the girls have “square” bodytypes that aren’t flattering for the uniform.  Kelli writes notes in her binder and I get nervous for all the girls that are “squares”, “rectangles” or “dodecahedrons”.

Back from commercial we’re greeted with aerial photography and military-style music.  I’m so glad the Producers haven’t allowed Jay to swoop in on a helicopter yet.  Instead he and his “army” march up to the girls for the first day of Boot Camp.  Jay starts yelling out what they’ll be doing today, instead of walking a little closer and talking in a normal voice.  As per usual, the girls will be trying to earn the coveted “Power Squad” tank top that is thankfully not available in camouflage this year.  Veteran Ally interviews that she narrowly missed the tank top last year but really wants it.  In a world where you can score a t-shirt just by signing up for a credit card, I don’t see the sense in “earning” one by doing sit-ups, push-ups and a 2-mile run, but whatever.  The most interesting part of this whole segment seems to be the lack of pantyhose and shorts of an appropriate length.  Jay babbles on about how these girls are really “athletes who dance” and turning them into a finely tuned machine.  Oh whatever.  Finally, Jay announces the sixteen girls who made Power Squad including Ally who is so excited she wants to sleep in the shirt.  Do you know what would excite and motivate me?  A Michael Kors handbag, not a tank top for a team I may or may not end up making.

Back at Training Camp, Kelli begins the night’s practice by announcing the Group Leaders (which I guess are like the Line Captains): Sarah, Nicole (I guess Kelli must have gotten over the failed test), Justine and McKenzie.  Everyone cheers.  With the groups and their leaders set, Kelli and Judy call each one up to the floor to rehearse.  Group One is all over the place with girls missing huge parts of the routine.  Alyssa, Brandi, and one of the Jordans are called out.  For those of you that have been keeping score at home, Brandi has now been singled out for bad nails and dancing ability.  I would say it’s safe to say that she’s not long for the pantyhose and hot pants.  I guess Groups Two and Three are okay because we move to Group Four where Cassie “runs out of gas” according to both Kelli and Judy (she even says this twice).  When Judy tells her this, Cassie replies by asking for an inhaler, which apparently isn’t even hers.  I don’t really understand why she doesn’t seem to have her own inhaler readily available or if she took this criticism better than it came off on TV, but I’m tired so I’m letting it slide. Kathryn is called out for stomping her way through the routines, but she continues to take everything gracefully.  After class, Kelli says that Alyssa, Brandi, and Kathryn will have to stay late and their Group Leaders will need to wait with them.  So are they not doing the Big Sister program from last year?

Alyssa is up first so I’m not too worried about her going home (the third spot is always the kiss of death).  Since Alyssa is having memory problems, they’re going to let her stay but she needs to start improving asap.  Brandi is next and we immediately go to the second fingernail call-out.  Judy seems semi-horrified and tells her that they need to be clipped off so that people don’t “get the wrong impression”.  Are they really that bad?  Is their an acceptable fingernail length as presented in the DCC Blue Binder?  Kelli asks the loaded “How bad do you want this?” question and I think that Brandi is on her way out.  Kelli tells Brandi that if she didn’t know better, she would think she was a stripper.  Really? I mean the nails may be tacky and the hair could be better, but I don’t think she has that hard look that most strippers have.  Brandi agrees to make these corrections and return triumphantly the next day.  After she leaves, things get interesting.  Kelli asks Judy if she gets “sweet from her” and Judy says she does, but she’s not entirely convinced and that she doesn’t trust her.  Foreshadowing?  I feel like there’s so much that we don’t know about these girls that will only be hinted at.

Kathryn unfortunately draws the last slot so we know she’ll be going home (that and this is her second time in the office in as many weeks).  This is definitely the best cut ever because Judy and Kelli are very nice and Kathryn takes everything really gracefully.  She promises to come back better next year.  I have to hand it to Kathryn; naturally she breaks down afterwards, but she was very sunny and polite the whole time she was being cut. 

Next time: Makeovers and somet potential “extracurricular” drama!