Just a Simple Girl with a Dream

* If I had a dollar for every time someone said that to me, I could buy campaign face time on three major networks.

This week on 90210, the kids went to Homecoming while I folded my laundry.  Oh and Silver got her wisdom teeth taken out by a dentist that wasn’t Mel.  Sadly, this was the most fascinating part of the episode for me as I spent at least ten minutes pondering why Silver didn’t see Mel.  Here are some possible scenarios I came up with:

1. Mel has a policy of not working on his children’s teeth.
2. Mel practices deep in the Valley and God forbid anyone on this show crosses over Laurel Canyon.
3. Silver hates Mel (to clarify she’s not an anti-Dentite, just an anti-Melite); even though he must be the one paying her insurance premiums because God knows Jackie’s too strung out and drunk to.
4. Mel lost his dental license for improper behavior involving his patients, laughing gas, and Penthouse Forum.
5. The CW can’t afford to hire Matthew Laurance because they’re paying Jessica Walter too much to flounce in and out a room delivering the funniest lines of the night (which is perhaps why she’s been shifted to reoccurring).

That’s my biggest problem with the show; not that it’s boring (which it totally is) or the fact that Annie sucks (which she totally does) but I can’t buy what shitty parents Mel and Jackie turned out to be.  I mean, yes, Jackie used to get high and slut around in fringe bikinis and lock Kelly out of the house, but she became downright presentable later on.  Remember when she testified as a character witness at Donna Martin’s prom sobriety trial?  Cindy Walsh was a calming (if conservative) influence on her.  Then there’s Mel.  Sure he’s had his questionable parenting mistakes: serving alcohol to minors, the whole David’s mom is a paranoid, homeless, schizophrenic thing, allowing David to baby-sit, etc; but would he really let Silver live with Crazy Jackie?  Or live unchaperoned in Kelly’s tribute to late Nineties Shabby Chic? Iris and Jack McKay they are not. 

Of course I had other problems with the episodes, first and foremost Homecoming fashion.  My God, does this show have no budget at all?  I kind of thought this when I saw the set for Naomi’s parents’ bedroom…how tiny was that bed?  It was a Full right?  My God, my first LA boyfriend had a California King and I thought we were classy and that was in West LA/Santa Monica.  I mean, these are supposed to be Beverly Hills brats and I swore that one of Naomi’s random extras friends looked like she was wearing red athletic short shorts.  I know that Marissa Cooper almost always looked like crap but at least it was crappy Chanel.  I look at Naomi and I think “Forever XXI”.  Let’s be honest, I love that store, but I shopped there because I had to. 

Then there’s Adriana rehabbing at San Simeon on Navid’s father’s porn dime.  Did I miss the earlier foreshadowing that Navid had a thing for Adriana?  If I did it was because I was too busy tuning out anything non-Brenda related.  You know, back in the day when I was in high school, I just wanted a guy to buy me flowers and maybe take me to a movie.  An all expenses paid trip to a posh rehab for coke addiction?  Well, let’s just say that I was never that lucky.

Speaking of lucky, I remember having little school girl crushes on my teachers.  Never did I imagine, however, that if I just told them that I was a 25 year undercover cop (or a 25 year old undercover reporter) we’d be making out by night’s end. Game on, Kelly Taylor!

P.S. What was up with that weird plug for State Farm that Lady Mossimo gave during Annie’s permit test? I thought Dr. Pepper was solely subsidizing this show.