Original BH 90210 knew how to write good birthdays: Kelly’s 18th birthday party where she passed out on the floor of the Peach Pit after eating a mouthful of potato salad, Scott Scanlon’s cowboy party complete with Brenda Walsh electric sliding and every Christmas episode wherein a pitiful Donna would remind everyone that it wasn’t all about Jesus; it was her day too.
90210 2.0, meanwhile, has given us Naomi’s “Not So Sweet 16″ which looked like a lame sendup of the MTV reality show and as of last night, Annie’s Karaoke Party of Broken Hearts and Eardrums. As always, I have questions that will never be answered:
- Annie and Dixon have lived in Beverly Hills for two months–three tops, yet that house was full of kids. Are they really that popular? I mean, I know technically they only hang out with like five other people, but still. Would that many random high schoolers want to hang out at their Principal’s house? Then again, Silk Stalkings does put the “pal” in “principal” so there.
- Do you think Lady Mossimo sits there on set thinking to herself “why am I even on this show? With my Full House royalties and all the Target money I could buy and sell Shenae Grimes and AnnaLynne McCord.”
- Remember back in the Pilot when Silver was marginally cool? Now she’s singing “When the Saints go Maching In” with Dixon? What the hell? I got flashbacks to Jim Walsh’s casio keyboard playing.
- What day of the week is it? I thought Silver was having the sleepover the night before Kelly comes back yet there’s school the next day. So the kids had a sleepover/raging kegger on a school night? I know I’m old and most of their parents are coked up (hi Jackie!) but come on. So the next day, Kelly comes back, Mr. Matthews is out and Naomi gets her hair chemically straightened and pickpockets Annie’s ex-boyfriend’s number. Then the day after that, Jason emerges from Grandma’s pool and it’s off to Geisha House. Day after that: Annie’s Birthday and the arrival of the deux ex machia Harry and Tracy’s son.
- Speaking of Kelly, when are we going to get more dirt on the Dylan visit?
- Navid’s dad is still a porn producer, right? I don’t know, he just seemed really nice and warm and not at all Joe Francis-like.
- What is it about Ethan that makes the girls fight over him? Now, I will (and have) fight for a guy, but this Ethan is even more of a drip than Ethan on Passions. Yeah, I just went there. I just made a Passions reference that perhaps two people will understand, but in short, Ethan is very, very boring.
- What’s up with Kelly’s outfits? I like them and I think she looks sophisticated but I don’t necessarily know if they’re high school appropriate even if said high school is in Beverly Hills. Not that I want Kelly to go out and have a Chico’s kind of day, but I thought that sleeveless number she wore when she confronted Agent Never Been Kissed was a little too editorial (to borrow a phrase from Nina Garcia). What’s next? Short skirts and matching jackets a la Amanda Woodward?
- Does Dixon still work at the Peach Pit? If so, why wasn’t Nat invited to the party?
- Why didn’t Naomi just slap Annie during their big bitch fight on the lawn? What a letdown; I would have kept that episode on my DVR permanently.
- Are we in for a Silver/Dixon/Private First Class Harry’s Biological Son love triangle?
- Why I am I watching this?
Ahh question 12 about sums it all up. Why am I watching? Why won’t Naomi die? I hate that girl. Why was everybody at that party and why were they having fun? Karaoke? For real?
so I would rather watch every scene where Theresa talked about how she is fated to be with Ethan in a row, than 2 minutes of Annie and Naomi fighting over Ethan. For people who don’t get the reference that’s like a year of sitting in front of the televsion. At least with a Passions love triangle there are real fights where people get stabbed in the back with scissors.
Message to Lori Loughlin and Jessica Walters: You are too good for this show!!!
Why am I watching? Because I have to timeshift my Dancing with the Stars Recap viewing? Yes I am that sad.
And yes, Csluka88, five minutes of Naomi/Annie fighting is equivalent to one yearday on Passions.
At least with Passions those folks obviously had a since of humor, what with Tabitha and Timmy and his Martimmys. That broke up the monotony of watch Theresa stalk the many different incarnations of Ethan. And I even found the god awful “Little Ethan” plotline more entertaining than this shit. They need to bring Scott Scanlon back from the dead–surely that would improve this show.
Or Scott’s slutty, teacher baiting sister, Sue! I’m grasping at straws. I’m hoping that Gil Myers will turn up as a substitute for Mr. Matthews.
I’ll jump on the Gil Myers train as long as he has the beard. That beard was hot! But instead of being accused of molesting students, I think he should have an affair with Mrs. Scanlon. That bitch was crazy.
“It was a Chico’s kind of morning…up until the house fire….”
Yeah, When the Saints Come Marching in–is that even IN the Karaoke song list on most machines?! Doubtful.
Your Passions reference wasn’t totally lost on me. I was genuinely sad when the actor who played Timmy died.
Soooo–Dylan still has those same sideburns, eh? Well, I bet the Wyoming sun has conspired against Mr. McKay’s deep forehead wrinkles to create a look somewhere between Rick Shroeder and that California Raisin who always wore the Ray-Bans.
Honestly, what is Dylan even doing in Wyoming? There’s no waves. I’m going ot refrain from making the inevitable “Brokeback Mountain” joke between him and Brandon and just say that he probably lives similarly to Brad Pitt in “Legends of the Fall”.