As my fellow Seminole alum Jim Morrison would say “This is the end”…of Making the Team Season 3. I hope I’m not the only who felt this season was lackluster, I mean, we didn’t even get an Etiquette Class out of this cycle. How will I ever know how to properly crack crab legs? I’m going to be so embarrassed next time I go to Red Lobster.
Tonight’s episode begins with Kelli narrating over a montage of everything we’ve seen over the past eight episodes: auditions, makeovers, flag football games with players, the trapeze, inappropriate MySpace photos, uniform fittings and oh yeah, dancing.
We’re in the home stretch of training camp and the girls are nervous about cuts. Alyssa, who was brought into the office last week is apprehensive because she could either make the squad or be cut. Not that we’ve really seen much of Alyssa’s dancing but I think she does really good “facials”, in that, I mean that she seems to be selling the dance with her eyes and expression. Oh Dear God, I’m not exactly sure when I became Tyra Banks but that last sentence semi-frightened me. If I use the phrase “smiles with her eyes” later in this post, you know I’ve lost it. Judy and Megan Fox are leading today’s dance class as Kelli’s flight has been delayed. The big news tonight is that the “performance boots” are handed out. Every year this happens and every year I’m certain that Jessica Simpson’s assault on the eardrums, the Sinatra family, and the world at large: “These Boots are Made for Walking” is played. I’m going to make a bold statement and declare the aforementioned should be included in my arbitrary ”Totally Unnecessary Covers that Should be Banned from Earth” list. Also topping the list: Madonna’s “American Pie” and Jessica Simpson’s “Angels”.
I love boots and like to dance around my living room in them, but even I won’t attempt the widow-making kickline in them. Of course, mastery of the kickline in boots is essential and Judy calls the different groups up to attempt this. Even into Week 8, some kicks just aren’t high enough. When it comes time for the jump split, Alyssa lands wrong and seems to be in pain. Judy tells the girls that if they’re injured to not perform the split as they could injure someone else and then proceeds to tell Jordan C., Joannah, and Sydney that their kicks don’t look great. They all better pray to Loni, the patron saint of “cheerleaders who can’t kick well but make the team regardless”.
Jay’s back and he’s bringing the pom poms and the pain. We’re at Texas Stadium which to, me at least, is more famous for being in the opening credits of Dallas than as an actual professional sports venue, but I digress. Essentially, this is an endurance challenge that breaks the Rookies into groups of three. Each girl who will run back and forth across the field picking up as many poms as they can in 4 minutes. Does it really matter which team wins (because I fast forwarded)? Of course not. Just know that the winners get a gift set from Planet Tan. Okay, so I know that I complain that this season has been kind of a snoozefest, but I’m kind of shocked that the producers didn’t force a pool challenge just to bust out the DCC bikinis.
Back on the practice field, the candidates rehearse in their boots. As you could expect, some of the girls are nervous of imminent dismissal. Poor Alyssa just seems to be a roller coaster of emotions. Kelli and Judy sit on the field and critique the girls group by group. Alyssa isn’t on beat, Sydney rushes through the routine, Joannah seems lost and Melissa is goofy. Kelli cracks me up when she says that Jordan C. “skips through her dances because she’s happy”. Seriously, that killed me. Maybe it’s because Jordan reminds me of a Disney Princess, I don’t know. Judy has Jordan perform the routine again with just another veteran as the “Shake It” song plays. Whenever I hear this song I feel like I’m 16 years old on a shopping spree at Wet Seal. Meanwhile, back in reality, Jordan is cheered on by her teammates but falters in her dancing. In an interview, Jordan seems to understand that she’s not the best dancer but believes she could still be chosen. Well, of course. We’ve all seen pretty girls make the squad over better dancers and girls with bad manicures.
We wrap up with anothe attempt at the kickline and Joannah’s kicks aren’t there at all. Since we’ve seen very little of her so far in the series, I’m guessing that the frequency in which she’s been featured in this episode so far must mean that her days are numbered. She seems nice though, I mean in the whole 2.5 minutes I’ve gotten to know her. Of course, staying behind tonight are: Joannah, Alyssa, Jordan C., and Sydney.
Joannah is up first. Kelli mentions that she would have to be down near the end of the kickline (I’m guessing because she’s short) and since that’s a position that stands out, her skill level is not up to that level of scrutiny. Joannah thinks that she can work to get herself to that level and Kelli agrees…only next year.
Next up: Jordan and Sydney. I knew immediately that as soon as they were called together, they were safe. I mean, it’s so Loni and Kelly Jo from last season’s finale minus the godawful “kick-off” that meant nothing. They get some song and dance about how they’re not really ready for The Uniform but they’re not bad enough to cut…even though Kelli admits that Jordan is “the poorest dancer in the room”. She’s high energy and everyone loves her so she’s got a shot. Man, I would be so upset if I was cut before this moment, especially if I was a decent dancer.
Then there’s Alyssa. Kelli says that Alyssa struggles through the choreography and she’s not ready to be on the field. I feel for her since she’s one of the girls we’ve followed from the beginning. Plus, while she may “struggle” she’s also not “the poorest dancer in the room”. I don’t know why I get so worked up over this. It’s not like I even follow the Cowboys.
Anyways, back in the studio, Kelli gives each girl their tryout picture back and announces that they’ve all made the squad. Everyone hugs and cheers. At this point, I don’t understand the purpose of calling in Sydney and Jordan into the office since we saw no deliberation between Judy and Kelli on their reasons for keeping them. I mean it’s kind of like when your parents tell you they’re taking you to Disney World and pre-book the hotel and buy all the tickets only you haven’t cleaned your room so then they tell you that you may not get to but since everything is paid for you end up going anyway. Or something like that. Basically it’s pointless. Much like a fitness challenge.
All the new DCCs run into the locker room to check out their new lockers. Of course I should point out that these lockers are more like cubby holes and don’t contain actual locks. Semantics, I know.
It’s time for the squad photo! Judy assembles all the girls against a plain white backdrop. Really that’s all there is. Most squad photos are like this, but I kind of wish that they would cheese it up a little bit. Like maybe they stand in front of an island scene and look real intense like the cast of Lost. We do learn that brunettes seem to go on the outside and blondes go on the inside. There, now you can photograph your own professional cheerleading squad.
The team now heads to Rough Creek Lodge for a weekend bonding exercise. What we have next is like one of those commercials you see for Sandals, except it’s not couples, just cheerleaders. There’s swimming, fishing, zip lines, you name it. It’s a nice little break between the stress of training camp and the first game.
We’re really cramming it all in because now we’re back in Dallas for the final dress rehearsal. Just like last year, this happens the night before the first home game and the cheerleaders perform for their friends and family. Afterwards, the cheerleaders intermingle with their family for pictures and celebratory hugs.
On Gameday, the cheerleaders arrive in DCC sweatsuits with their DCC luggage. In the dressing room, the girls practice their dances with curlers in their hair. I’m concerned that Michael Hutchence isn’t there. I mean, are girls responsible for their own hair and makeup? I don’t know if it would be possible for me to create a Premier Atelier look every Sunday afternoon all by myself. Everyone congregates in the tunnel before they are announced and stretches out. I wonder how nervous I would be if I were in there boots and then I think that I’d probably die of heatstroke before I ever made it out of the tunnel. Of course no one passes out and everyone performs really well. And that’s all she wrote. Well the Rookies recount what a fulfilling experience Training Camp was. I only wish that this was like Return of the Jedi and CGI versions of Kitty, Michael Hutchence, and Jay would show up with a look of satisfaction as Jordan C. dances at Texas Stadium. Maybe next year.
