People, for the last month I’ve been dying for something to watch. It’s been all reruns or variations of A Christmas Carol and I can only take so much. Now usually I don’t care for January because I get depressed that the holidays are over but now I have a whole new season of bad reality TV to look forward to. Thanks Scott Baio and Wayne Arnold!
For those of you that have yet to behold the awesomeness, this show is basically The Surreal Life for middle age guys that used to appear in Tiger Beat. These teen idols are then picked to live in a studio for a month in hopes of jump starting their careers. Our fallen idols are:
- Adrian Zmed from TJ Hooker: I know virtually nothing about this show except that it starred Shatner and Heather Locklear and apparently Shatner liked to jump on the hoods of cars. Adrian now performs on cruise ships and if he’s half as entertaining as the “peformers” on my Celebrity Cruise, that’s money well spent.
- David Chokachi from Baywatch: Really? I mean he’s attractive like a Ken Doll but was he a teen idol? Did young girls watch Baywatch?
- Jeremy Jackson from Baywatch: Now this one I can kind of understand since he was the young kid on the show and would be more acceptable in a teen magazine. Still I’m a little creeped out by the behind the scenes tales that he and Chokachi were weaving. Not that I expected Baywatch to be a G-rated set or anything (especially not with Tommy Lee around) but the idea of taking extras to your trailer just seems so Entourage-esque. (Memo to Adrian Grenier: this is your future.)
- Billy Hufsey of Fame and Days of Our Lives: I vaguely remember Fame so it bugged me that Billy and everyone else on the show kept referring to that as his sole credit. Hello, he was Emilio! He of the long hair and the dysfunctional family whose wedding to Jennifer was stopped when Jack kidnapped the bride? If we don’t see one vintage Days clip I’m going to be severely disappointed.
- Chris Atkins from The Blue Lagoon: I saw Return to the Blue Lagoon before I ever saw the original and yet I can barely distinguish them. Oh well. Anyway, he’s fast become my favorite because he makes awesome pools, has a sweet family and tells wild stories about Studio 54.
- Jamie Walters from Beverly Hills 90210: Oh Ray Pruit, I’ve missed you! So Jamie is not a firefighter/EMT but would like to get back into the music game. Here’s my genius idea: since Jamie’s career stalled out when Ray pushed Donna down the stairs at the KEG/Alpha Palm Springs Weekend, perhaps Tori Spelling can throw him a bone on the latest installment of Tori and Dean Take Over The World or whatever they’re calling it this season.
- Last but not least, Eric Neis of The Real World: Okay, the fact that Eric is like some reality show godfather is frightening. Even more frightening: his appearance. Ladies if you remember Eric from his days of barely there modeling or The Grind, you’ll be sadly disappointed that he’s now a combination of Gary Busey, Ron Popiel, and a yeti. He also seems to only wear linen and drink beverages the color of pea soup. Oh and the jump rope is in full effect, along with various other gizmos that he’s enlisted to liven up the house. I know this isn’t a show where the guys are voted out, but if it were…
Periodically, the boys will have to see some “celebrity fame therapist” named Cooper who is a self-described “expert” in her field. I enjoyed that Eric kind of grilled her in this respect, after all he’s an expert in all things jump rope and booty dancing. Honestly, I’m surprised VH1 didn’t just spring for Dr. Drew at this point. In fact, I’m waiting for the day when Dr. Drew has achieved entire VH1 domination. Fight on, Dr. Drew!
Later, the boys are told to get dressed and head out to some fan event where they can re-live their past glory. They all hop into a limo and walk some lame red carpet complete with paparazzi. Then they all get excited as their names are announced backstage. Just as they await the curtain to open and reveal all of their fans the boys realize they’ve been played by none other than Charles in Charge and Wayne Arnold. That Wayne, he’s still a trickster! Basically Scott and Jason trot out some lame “you want your fame back so much you can taste it; now earn it” speech and Chokachi blows a gasket. Really, Chokachi? He’s all in a tizzy because he’s been made fun on “world wide TV” so he grabs his backpack Kate Austin-style and pretends to ride out to the parking lot. Show of hands, who really thought he was going to walk? We all know he’s probably in this for the a) screentime, b) exposure and c) continuous SAG healthcare coverage. He wasn’t going anywhere. I’m going to say that he’s going to be the Jeff Conaway of this show where he threatens to leave every five minutes but hangs on until the very last minute.
P.S. Did anyone besides me think that Jeremy Jackson was Jeremy Jordan for a minute? I mean, he should be on this! Oh well, perhaps next season. Another suggestion for next season: the George Michael-looking guy from Color Me Badd!
Dear lord, I just may have to watch this for the return of Emilio (damn right they better show vintage Days clips) and Ray Pruitt. Will he play the guitar for us?
You know, it’s Ray Pruit; only one “T” because that’s all his mama could afford!
My bad, I was just so overcome remembering his Angel song that I messed up!
Oh, my god, from the moment you mentioned Ray’s name, all I could think about was that line about the one “T” being all his mama could afford. You know you’ve watched too many reruns of 90210 when you start to think Mr. Pruit’s music sounds awesome.
Compared to the musical stylings of one David Silver, I think Mr. Pruit’s music is on the level of Elliot Yamin.
“Fuck you, Tool Academy!!”
Wait–wrong show.
Or is it….