I apologize for not writing this sooner as I am sure everyone is on pins and needles for the latest happenings on 90210, or as I like to call it: “The most watercooler-worthy television show of all time”.
Anyway it’s Valentine’s Day and as the kids are too young to be cynical, seem to actually look forward to it. Let me just stop myself right there and once again diagnose the problem with this show: rich kids are supposed to be world-weary, cynical, and above everything. For God’s sake, Bret EastonEllis made a fortune on this meme. That’s why I think Dylan McKay was such a good character: he was literally one Kettle One shot away from having a James Dean-stylized ”you’re tearing me apart!” meltdown. Whereas on this show, we have Ethan, a character so devoid of sex appeal and charisma that he could have been one of DJ’s boyfriends on Full House.
For some reason (most likely plot contrivance) Ethan is the most sought after guy in Beverly Hills. This is how I know I am getting old: I don’t understand what attractive is anymore; apparently it’s Ethan and The Jonas Brothers. So Ethan is navigating some third-rate love triangle with Annie and Rhonda and generallly acting like a douchebag. Annie, meanwhile, has decided to “hone her craft” and attend acting classes. Everything comes to a head when Annie performs a crappy monologue lifted from Rhonda’s life involving prom dresses, sleeping pills and Adam Sandler shouting “they’re all gonna laugh at you!” Of course Ethan witnesses this, Annie does the ugliest crying this side of Sami Brady and they both flounce out.
Somewhere in all this, there’s a Valentine’s Day Dance that looks like it’s being held at The Standard Downtown, but is most likely the gym. It looks like there’s all of 10 people there, but two of those people are Ethan and Rhonda and they dance all night. Or until 11 pm. Naturally Ethan leads Rhonda on and when she tries to kiss him, he’s all “girls are yucky!” Elsewhere at the dance, Navid decides that he would rather date a pregnant girl than one who goes to his parents’ synagogue and likes to play role playing games, so he shows up at Adriana’s house. You know, I think if this show lasts, Navid and Adriana could be in for the long haul. She’s already been a drug addict and now she’s pregnant: what other obstacles could she possibly face? Really the only think left is evil twin.
Oh there was also gratuitous shots of Dr. Pepper and the W Hotel. Because not only does Naomi enjoy drinking Dr. Pepper, but she likes drinking Dr. Pepper when she’s staying at the W Hotel. But you know what’s better than drinking Dr. Pepper and staying at the W Hotel? Drinking Dr. Pepper and staying at the W Hotel while crushing on a bartender that turns out to be a high school kid cutting class.
