I won’t lie to you: I didn’t miss 90210 during the hiatus. In fact, I didn’t even remember that it was returning last night until I looked at my DVR to watch Dancing with the Stars. Allegedly, last night’s installment ushered in the Rebecca Rand Kirshner Sinclair (excellent soap opera name) regime change, but to quote Michael Kors, I was underwhelmed. Honestly, I still think the show sucks but I committed to this for a season (and as JMT IV likes to repeat “one season only!”) so I’m going to ride with it. Speaking of the new sheriff in town, according to EW.com, Dustin Milligan who plays Ethan will be out next year. I think this is a good move because Ethan wasn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. He’s also not that cute or charming or well…anything. He’s bland. But why stop there? If they would fire every other teen on this show, we’d be in business. The bad news to all of this is Sinclair wants to focus more on the teens and less on the Original Gangstas. Why? Is anyone seriously watching this show for Shenae Grimes? I’ll admit that Liam, he of the blue eyes and every bad boy stereotype imaginable, is pretty hot, but that’s all you’re going to get from me. Of course, maybe wrapping up the legacy characters will be a good thing. Brenda’s pretty pathetic, Kelly’s a waste and who knows how Donna will turn out. That’s why I’m so glad Heather Locklear had the good sense to turn down the updated Melrose Place reboot; I don’t want to see classic television characters falling on their swords in an attempt to prop up Ashlee Simpson and AnnaLynne McCord.
With all that being said, here’s what happened: Silver went from “jittery from too much Starbucks” to “Marky Mark at the climax of Fear” in 0.5 seconds. Congratulations, New 90210 on a character assassination in less than one season on the air. You can argue that they’ve been building up to Silver’s manic depression for a few weeks but the whole “renting out a theater and showing a sex tape” is right up there with General Hospital illustrating Robin’s postpartum depression by hiding her baby in a tree. The fire in the backyard was a nice callback to Emily Valentine though. I wonder if Kelly ever got wasted and shared that story with her little sister. Meanwhile, in a totally pointless B plot, Annie and Ethan broke up. Or maybe that was the C plot and Naomi and Liam acting out a poor man’s version of The Fast and the Furious (in theaters this week!) was more important. Does it even matter? Oh and Silk Stalkings bought Lady Mossimo a camera lens so that she could shoot pictures while Grandma’s backyard burns, I guess.
I’m looking forward to Tori Spelling’s appearance, but is it wrong that I would much rather watch her and Candy throw down about Madame Alexander dolls and how many bathrooms a house should have?
I actually watched a half hour of this dreck this week. It was entirely due to the fact that nothing else was on and I found I would rather clean my place, try on all the old clothes I can’t fit into and go to the dentist than watch that show again. Silver showing a sex tape to the school? Lovely. Just lovely. I did like the Emily Valentine call back in the fire but that’s about it.
I read about Ethan and found it hilarious that the supposed male lead on the show is already getting the boot. Never found him hot or remotely interesting. Liam, on the other hand, is quite hot. I don’t think he’s hot enough to make me tune in again, but I’ll at least think about it, if I’m assured that he will get copious screen time.
Yeah Silver ratched up the Emily Valentine histronics. I think it was worse that there was no slow build up of calling the Wilson house and hanging up. She goes from zero to lighting backyard fires in 60 seconds.