For lack of anything better to watch (and the fact that I watched every Sex and the City available On Demand) I tuned into The Celebrity Apprentice last night. People, to be perfectly blunt, it is quite honestly the stuff that nightmares are made of. Let me explain.
Back in the day, I actually somewhat enjoyed this show. Hell, in the spirit of full disclosure, I even liked the Martha Stewart edition. But now…Dennis Rodman working at a hotel? Herschel Walker looking confused? Jesse James selling detergent? Joan Rivers as the voice of reason? It’s just so…out there. Don’t get me wrong, I love celebrities on reality shows and God help me that I’m Netflixing Celebrity Mole Season 1. But this? This is just wrong.
So the two teams were tasked to create a viral video about detergent. Clint Black steamrolled his team into shooting some masturbatory fantasy complete with half naked model and requisite Donald Trump product tie-in plug. Joan wasn’t having any of it and surprisingly neither was Khloe Kardasian. Maybe they have some E! Entertainment Network loyalty or something. Melissa’s team produced a semi-offensive video with cursing little people beating up Jesse. But that wasn’t the worst of it folks. Let me tell you what happened next: cut to Donald Trump meeting with ad executives judging the products. “Hold on, let’s see what Perez Hilton has to say.” I’m sorry, but wtf? I can’t get on board with Perez, I just can’t. He’s not as funny as Michael K. from DListed and he’s not as informative as the good folks at Gossip Sauce. He’s just there. He’s the Miley Cyrus of bloggers: ever present and annoying.
Having reached the on-ramp to Crazyville, Donald then merges onto the “No Human Resources Department on this Show Highway” with some inane prattling about the lingerie model in Clint’s video. Apparently he wanted her to walk around in the boardroom like it’s his own personal Miss USA Pageant (which he already owns). Then he asks Brande her opinion on the model, since one would assume she’s a good judge of hardbodies from her time at the Playboy Mansion. Then it gets even more insane as Annie starts talking about having four kids and Donald just can’t believe it because she look so good!
So we segue from talking about bodies to talking about drunk drivers. Of course, Donald is against people driving drunk. I agree with him on this; it’s totally irresponsible. So he fires Khloe. For getting a DUI a year or two ago. I’m sorry, how did he not know about it? Was his good friend and trusted confidante, Perez, holding back? Oh and when I went to grocery store today, I walked down the detergent aisle and I can’t get the image of angry little people pummeling Jesse out of my head. Mission Accomplished, Missy!
