Yeah, I used three email addresses to vote for Melissa. And I’ve been trying to call in for the past 17 minutes. I’m not proud, but I have to show some love to the woman who brought Kitty Carter to the Dancing With the Stars table.
While I hope my voting is not in vain, I can’t help but wonder if Gilles is going to take this whole thing. (Did you like my little Carrie Bradshaw-esque intro there?) Now, I’m sure Gilles is a nice guy, but I’m just not that into him. As I explained to numerous friends (who most likely think that I’m crazy) I can’t be a Gilles fan because I blame him for the destruction of Smith Jerrod. (I don’t make these things up: I don’t watch The Biggest Loser because I blame it for a marked decline in Alison Sweeney’s work on Days and I side with Giselle and Tom Brady in the Tom/Bridget possibly-fake tabloid wars because Bridget Moynihan was Big’s second wife, Natasha.) Plus, it bothered me when I read all the message boards attacking Lil’ Kim, Holly Madison and Denise Richards for being “less than wholesome” (among other choice words) while up until this Spring, Gilles was most famous for appearing fully nude in the Sex and the City movie. (Not that I’m a prude or anything, but how many lines did he have? Exactly.) Let it be stated for the record that I also don’t find him attractive. To add insult to injury, he’s partnered with Cheryl, who bothers me. Maybe it’s because she seems smug or has a tendency to make “smoldering” faces, but she bugs me in a way that no one else does…except for Mark Ballas.
Dear God, Mark Ballas, make it stop. The freestyle costumes, wtf? I felt like I was watching a Cirque du Soleil troop perform scenes out of Inside Man. And that was just the beginning. I have no idea why anyone would put a girl barely pushing 5 feet tall in a pair of high-wasted suspender pants, but what do I know? I’m not on my second Olympic gold medalist dance partner. See, while others may think that Shawn and Mark had the best freestyle of the night, I was too busy at my bathroom sink, trying to stop my eyes from bleeding.
As much as I love Melissa and Tony, that freestyle was off. Maybe it was the music. For the past few weeks, their music has been terrible and that was like the worst version of C+C Music Factory ever (and I include my own, 5th grade rendition in there). I was also slightly disturbed by Tony’s Earring Magic Ken costume. Was he wardrobed by Ballas as well?
