So I feel so out of sorts lately. My work has been keeping me very busy and my Internet has been sporadic at best (definitely not “Comcastic!”) and I have no idea what’s going on in the world. I do know, apparently that Spencer and Heidi have quit and rejoined that horrible Celebrity Jungle show a billion times now.
I did finally get around to watching The Bachelorette and let’s be honest: we’re probably watching the most boring Bachelorette of all time with the hottest crop of guys ever assembled on this suckfest. It’s unfair, isn’t it? I mean I’ll throw on an unfortunate denim romper and pumps if it means making out with hot guys like Kipton and Ed. To make matters easier, I’ve narrowed down my top three problems with the show:
- Jillian as Bachelorette: She just doesn’t do it for me. I find her boring and surprisingly inarticulate. Remember how all the women on the message boards just loved her during Mesnick’s season? Yeah, didn’t get it then; don’t get it now. Plus she really seems into Wes. Why? He belongs in a Branson, MO dinner theater.
- Producer shenanigans: Haven’t we seen these dates before? “Hot” film set? Yeah, it was better the first time I saw it, when it happened on the General Hospital soundstage and Melissa had a meltdown. Serenaded at a private dinner by a music star? Check. Even the new dates suck: ziplining through downtown LA? Seriously, the traffic below them moved quicker. And you know that they made her keep Juan and Dave. Because apparently the producers think that we want to see blood lust instead of true romance. It’s like a bullfight and we’re all Hemingways.
- Not evough Chris Pine. (Seriously, he should be everywhere).
So what is up with Dave and Juan? Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t date Juan but I’m not dating “Big Fish” David either. Despite my griping about producer manipulations, I would kind of like to see David and Juan in the Thunderdome, however. Perhaps Chris Harrison could strap on a Tina Turner wig and sing “We Don’t Need Another Hero”. Jillian, meanwhile, will just stand there and say “wicked” repeatedly.
You had me at Thunderdome reference!
“Two men enter, one man leaves!!”