Ladies and Gentlemen, if a car crashes in the woods and Jason isn’t around to save anyone…did it really happen?
My God, how long (and filled with gratuitously-bad CGI) was that car sequence? And why does Port Charles, NY look suspiciously look like Laurel Canyon? There are so many things that I don’t understand about GH right now that I feel the need to bust out the “bullet points of questions that will never be answered to my satisfaction”:
- Do you think that at any point during this summer that Kirsten Storms and Jason Cook have looked at the actors that play Michael and Kristina and realized that they totally ruined Days of Our Lives during my summers off from college? Although in their defense, Shawn and Belle, even in their most self-righteous, disco dancing, purity ring wearing, Puerto Rican-island hopping ways, they were never as cloying as Sonny Spawn.
- Why is Spinelli proposing to Maxie? And why was Jason there to help decorate instead of setting up a command center somewhere by the side of the road so he could be there in the event of a fiery crash?
- Why is Kristina dating Snidely Whiplash?
- How many sets had to die to make the new Jax living room?
- Why did I have a dream about Claudia having an amniocentesis (this actually happened on Friday night. I’m not proud, people)?
- In what world are Max and Milo menacing?* (*Note, when I say “what world” I mean a setting that is not a buffet.)
- Why did I squeal like a little girl when I saw Reid’s face at the end of The Bachelorette previews this evening?
- Why is Carly searching for medallions on the side of the road, late at night while in the midst of a high risk pregnancy? What’s next? Rock climbing? She’s like Lisa Pongrasic: Very Pregnant Undercover Cop.
- Does anyone else wonder what the deductible must be on a Mafioso’s health care insurance?
