Posted by: brandi11 | November 20, 2008

The Russians took Jake!

I don’t know why, but the General Hospital November Sweeps promo cracks me up.  Maybe I’m heartless but when Jason asks Sam what’s up and she replies “the Russians took Jake” while hopping in the car, well..I cackle.  That and Sonny and Jason’s dueling hand gestures, Sam with a shotgun, Elizabeth in hysterics, and the Zacchara/Corinthos Wedding of the Damned.  Honorable mention: Sonny shattering barware for the thousandth time and Jason hitting the steering wheel in anger? defeat? frustration? upon learning that his only begotten son was kidnapped.  I love how Jason and Sonny’s enemies are known collectively as “The Russians” as if it’s an army composed of Alexander Petrovsky’s fans from Sex and the City.  You know, or 1956, take your pic.  Seriously, just present this show in black and white and put Sam in a poodle skirt and you have a propaganda film from the Eisenhower administration.

While we’re on the subject of things that aren’t quite right: is Lulu completely cured now?  I mean, she escaped from a mental hospital and hotwired a car and now she’s free to roam around Port Charles?  I guess when the Special Prosecutor and father of the man you killed sells out his son’s memory to hop on a plane with his ex-wife anything is fair game. 

Random thought: I’ve never really been a fan of Patrick, but how hot is Jason Thompson holding a baby?  Hot guys holding babies will get me every time.

Truly random thought: what in the holy Hell is this all about?  Although, once you fully digest this, a topless show in Vegas may be more professionally satisfying than mob war, baby kidnapping, marriage of convenience, lather, rinse, repeat.

Last week, Kitty Carter made another apperanance, Jay organized a cringe-worthy flag football game involving actual Cowboys, and we had a second, consecutive double elimination.

So the show opens with a photo shoot and I immediately wish that I was watching Models, Inc. instead of this show. (Sidenote: I loved the opening for Models, Inc, especially the part when Carrie Ann Moss whips that cape on the runway.  She was fierce.  And had the “wow factor”.) I mean, I love Making the Team, but this season is really no different than last season.  Plus I don’t feel a connection to any of the Rookies, like I did last year.  I pulled for Julia 2.0, Natalie, and even Loni–she of the pretty hair and poor kicks–yet this year, I just feel like all the girls have long blonde hair and respond to the name “Jordan”. 

Anyway, the girls are in uniform getting their publicity stills taken, even though they may be cut from the squad before the film is developed.  The purpose of this photo shoot is to see if the girls are photogenic.  Apparently, if a girl’s not the best dancer, but she looks great in pictures, she may have a shot at making the squad.  Stephanie, a Rookie who I don’t recall ever seeing before, is described by Kelli as being not glamorous.  Which means she probably lacks the wow factor.  Which means that she’ll probably be called into Kelli’s office. Aww, the return of foreshadowing. 

We move on to Sunni, a Rookie, who I recall seeing in a past episode, who interviews that she doesn’t want to be cut.  You know on The Amazing Race when someone says something like “We’ve had really good luck with taxis and airplanes and we don’t want that to end” and then later in that episode they’re stuck in a cab with three blown tires and a driver who just wants to take smoke breaks?  Well, couple that with the fact that Sunni is prominently featured in tonight’s episode and not only has foreshadowing returned but it’s also smacked us in the face.

Also, what’s up with the poses?  Last year, I made fun of the bizarre white ottoman that all the girls were asked to drape themselves on, but this year it’s absent and I miss it.  I don’t understand the lack of props; I know we’re in a recession and all, but couldn’t they have at least bought one of those horses kids ride on in front of K-Mart?  Or an inflatable cactus?  Something.  This year, the big thing is posing with your armpits in the air a la Beyonce.  There’s also the “I’m going to put one leg in the air and smile really wide” and the “these belt loops are great places to put my fingers”.   Of course, winner of the Derek Zoolander School for Cheerleaders who Pose Good Award is Judy, who jumps into her daughter’s photo shoot and starts acting ca-razy!  I really think this has been Judy’s breakthrough season.  I mean, she’s cried, she’s been nervous, she’s been enthusiastic, and now she’s playfully smacking her daughter’s leg during a photo shoot.  If there was an Emmy Award to be handed out for best Professional Cheerleading Choreographer in a Reality Series about Cheerleaders on a Country Station…well it would definitely have Judy’s name all over it.

In a private clinic, Justine helps Rookie Melissa work on her routines.  This is pretty straight forward and then all of a sudden, that horrible T.A.T.U “Friend or Foe” song chimes in.  Really, this is the best CMT can do?  I don’t know how many times this song has been played on the show, but I’m sure it could qualify for retirement on Total Request Live

In a stunning deviation from the show’s traditional format, we don’t have a fitness segment this week.  It’s like my long, national nightmare is over.  Instead, the cheerleaders head over to DFW Airport to save goodbye to our soldiers as they head over to the Middle East.  It’s a really nice moment that exemplifies the community service that the cheerleaders perform over the year.  Plus, no Jay.

At rehearsal, Kelli announces that a special guest judge is in the house!  I immediately hope for Linda Grey.  Instead it’s Charlotte Jones-Anderson.  Seriously though, I think if they invited Linda Grey she would be available.  I mean, I hope she’s not sitting around, waiting for the producers of 90210 to call her back to play Ethan’s grandmother.  Back to the actual storyline, Charlotte, Judy and Kelli call out four Rookies to dance alongside four Vets.  It’s a dance-off!  They should have just called David Bowie to judget this.  We don’t get any critique afterwards, just a stonefaced look from Kelli.  Uh oh.  Appearing in her office tonight: Alyssa, Sunni, and Cathie.

Cathie is in first.  According to her, she’s surprised since she’s never been called in before.  Kelli begins by saying that she’s not in line with the Veterans and that tonight will be her last night.  Doesn’t Kelli know that Cathie came in first and therefore should be safe?  Although, I guess I like that they’re at least keep something fresh on this show.

Alyssa is second.  While I expected the extremely rare, triple elimination, Kelli clears her to dance again after telling her that she needs to work harder.

Sunni is third and I worry about her immediately when Kelli opens up with the “you’re a very impressive lady” speech.  Sunni seems to be struggling with stamina issues and therefore will not be moving on. 

Next week: The girls get their boots, Jay returns with a lame assignment involving pom poms and a veteran could be cut!

Posted by: brandi11 | November 16, 2008

Come with me if you want to beat a murder rap

Nick is soooooooo creapy!  I’m frightened by him and yet he’s become my favorite character on the show that is not played by John Aniston.  Crazy, drug-addled, gas-lighting Nick is way scarier than Stefano.  You know why?  Lack of vanity.  I mean, Nick’s keeping it real with the crazy eyes and not worried about wearing monogram smoking jackets and sitting for full length portraits.  Plus, he’s not afraid to do the dirty work himself, no man servants for him!  While I hate that Max is supposed to be the up and coming leading man and Nick is reduced to being a pill-popping murderer, Blake Berris playing this beautifully.  He’s all over Melanie and plotting an escape for them and I am legitimately creeped out.  I just hope that Nick recovers in time to hang his ornament on the Horton Christmas Tree.

I’d also like to give out a shoutout to Cemetery Caretaker.  That actor was awesome and I enjoyed him way more than Sami.  Maybe Rafe can guard him next.

What’s up with the New Brady?  He’s good looking, yes, but he just looks old to me.  Of course, I would prefer Brady be played by Tom Brady…I mean what’s he doing right now?  Rehabilitating?  They can just shoot all his camera angles from the chest up, just like Allison Sweeney.  This is totally off topic but was anyone else here horrified by that Sunday Night Football commercial highlighting Tony Romo with a completely unnecessary shot of Jessica Simpson?  That was straight up Nick Fallon levels of creepiness.

Posted by: brandi11 | November 12, 2008

Marginally better than Scott Scanlon’s Birthday

Original BH 90210 knew how to write good birthdays: Kelly’s 18th birthday party where she passed out on the floor of the Peach Pit after eating a mouthful of potato salad, Scott Scanlon’s cowboy party complete with Brenda Walsh electric sliding and every Christmas episode wherein a pitiful Donna would remind everyone that it wasn’t all about Jesus; it was her day too.

90210 2.0, meanwhile, has given us Naomi’s “Not So Sweet 16″ which looked like a lame sendup of the MTV reality show and as of last night, Annie’s Karaoke Party of Broken Hearts and Eardrums.  As always, I have questions that will never be answered:

  1. Annie and Dixon have lived in Beverly Hills for two months–three tops, yet that house was full of kids.  Are they really that popular?  I mean, I know technically they only hang out with like five other people, but still.  Would that many random high schoolers want to hang out at their Principal’s house?  Then again, Silk Stalkings does put the “pal” in “principal” so there.
  2. Do you think Lady Mossimo sits there on set thinking to herself “why am I even on this show?  With my Full House royalties and all the Target money I could buy and sell Shenae Grimes and AnnaLynne McCord.”
  3. Remember back in the Pilot when Silver was marginally cool?  Now she’s singing “When the Saints go Maching In” with Dixon?  What the hell? I got flashbacks to Jim Walsh’s casio keyboard playing.
  4. What day of the week is it?  I thought Silver was having the sleepover the night before Kelly comes back yet there’s school the next day.  So the kids had a sleepover/raging kegger on a school night? I know I’m old and most of their parents are coked up (hi Jackie!) but come on.  So the next day, Kelly comes back, Mr. Matthews is out and Naomi gets her hair chemically straightened and pickpockets Annie’s ex-boyfriend’s number.  Then the day after that, Jason emerges from Grandma’s pool and it’s off to Geisha House.  Day after that: Annie’s Birthday and the arrival of the deux ex machia Harry and Tracy’s son.
  5. Speaking of Kelly, when are we going to get more dirt on the Dylan visit? 
  6. Navid’s dad is still a porn producer, right?  I don’t know, he just seemed really nice and warm and not at all Joe Francis-like.
  7. What is it about Ethan that makes the girls fight over him?  Now, I will (and have) fight for a guy, but this Ethan is even more of a drip than Ethan on Passions. Yeah, I just went there.  I just made a Passions reference that perhaps two people will understand, but in short, Ethan is very, very boring.
  8. What’s up with Kelly’s outfits?  I like them and I think she looks sophisticated but I don’t necessarily know if they’re high school appropriate even if said high school is in Beverly Hills.  Not that I want Kelly to go out and have a Chico’s kind of day, but I thought that sleeveless number she wore when she confronted Agent Never Been Kissed was a little too editorial (to borrow a phrase from Nina Garcia).  What’s next?  Short skirts and matching jackets a la Amanda Woodward?
  9. Does Dixon still work at the Peach Pit?  If so, why wasn’t Nat invited to the party? 
  10. Why didn’t Naomi just slap Annie during their big bitch fight on the lawn? What a letdown; I would have kept that episode on my DVR permanently.
  11. Are we in for a Silver/Dixon/Private First Class Harry’s Biological Son love triangle?
  12. Why I am I watching this?
Posted by: brandi11 | November 11, 2008

In Defense of Sam McCall

I don’t think it’s a secret that Sam is my favorite character, mostly because I really like Kelly Monaco and it’s hard not to root for her, especially since she’s taken out and beaten ever three months or so.  This poor girl lost her brother to a monkey virus, nearly died herself, gave birth to Sonny’s stillborn daughter, was shot in the uterus, tossed around by Jason, held hostage in a hotel, tormented by Jerry Jacks, framed for numerous crimes by Ric Lansing, forced to wear ungodly outfits, run over and almost killed by Diego who was previously dead, and is now once again, being held hostage and tormented by Jerry Jacks.  No wonder she was so quick to sign a deal to host an ill-advised TV show.  The demanding and high stress world of television production seems like child’s play compared to the aforementioned ordeals.  Now the poor girl has to run around on Crazy Irina’s submarine while Jerry looks on lasciviously as she waits for Jason and Spinelli to save her ass.  Remember when Sam could save herself?  Tragic.

Free Sam!

When we last left off, Kitty Carter held a small clinic for the girls who were at risk, it was “makeover time” even though most of the girls looked the same, Jay turned his fitness segment into Circus of the Stars and we had the dreaded double elimination.

Kitty Carter is in the house for like the fourth time this season.  I think this is a record for Kitty; and since I’ve fully embraced my newly found affection for her, I hope she never leaves.  Even though we are several weeks into camp, tonight is Dance Technique Night.  When Kelli introduces her (mind you, does Kitty even need an introduction at this point?)  she tells the girls that Kitty is like a “doctor” who will help the girls fix what ever needs fixing.  In her own words, Kitty is there to look for “the wow factor”.  If you’ve been following the previous two seasons, this segment is nothing new.  Kitty calls people out, hurls insults and girls look frightened and confused.  Basically it’s one of those things wherein you should be worried if she doesn’t say something to you because that means that she doesn’t find you interesting enough to comment on.  Watching Kitty in action gives me the whole “boot camp sequence in Full Metal Jacket” vibe because she’s very quick with her words and she always picks someone that I think will break by episode’s end.  Tonight’s victim is Jaymie Rae, someone I’ve never heard of or seen before tonight, but we get our fair share tonight.  Jaymie Rae (or JR for short because this is a show that takes place in Dallas and every good show about Dallas needs a character named JR) doesn’t know dance terminology which is the kiss of death in Kitty Land.  Let’s be honest here, while some of these girls are very good technical dancers, others just have good hair and can bust out some decent moves at a sorority semi-formal.  Hell, I doubt Miss Britney Jean Spears can define Kitty’s dance terms and her dad’s laughing all the way to the bank.  When JR doesn’t remember the dance term’s meaning from earlier in the rehearsal, Kitty accuses her of being disrespectful and not listening to her.  I love JR’s interview after the fact wherein she explains that Kitty was “freaking (her) out”.    Granted I enjoy Kitty (now) but I can’t imagine being in a dance room with her.  She freaks me out enough in my living room.  Back in the studio, Kitty makes JR “fight for her life” by performing the routine and “freestyling” all by herself.  Oh dear.  This was just cringe-worthy.  JR gets really nervous with everyone’s eyes on her and just…I don’t even know…but it’s not dancing.  It’s not even half assed dancing.  Just call me Wolf Blitzer because I’m projecting that JR will be cut at the end of this episode.

At the end of practice, Kitty sits everyone down and tells them what they need to work on.  The blondes blend and Lisa Rinna Crystal was less impressive than Kitty thought she would be.  Perhaps Kitty saw her on Season 2 of Dancing with the Stars and just expected more.  Who knows?  Here’s an interesting aside from Kitty: She thinks that the Rookies aren’t all that and that Kelli and Judy can pare the squad way down.  I find this interesting since Kelli went on and on about how great the Rookie candidates were at the beginning of the Season. 

Remember on Road Rules, how sometimes professional athletes would show up and play pro-am competitions with the contestants?  Well, apparently so does Jay because that’s this week’s fitness segment. Throw out your rules about fraternizing with Dallas Cowboys footballs players, because Terence Newman and Bradie James have entered the huddle to play flag football.  Let’s pause for a moment and thank all that is Holy that Tony Romo was not thrown into this mix.  We have two teams: Veterans with Newman and Rookies with James.  There’s really not much to say about this, except that there’s really embarrassing trash talking, end zone dances and no one bothers to put their hair in a ponytail.  That’s another thing: I haven’t touched on this in any of my football posts, but it makes me nervous when players have long hair that hangs out of their helmet.  I have long hair, I know how much it hurts when its pulled.  So imagine my horror when I see 20 girls running around with hair all akimbo.  I know they’re only supposed to pull flags but I played Power Puff Football and I know what happens on the field.

Back at the Ranch, Sydney, who was called out last week, seeks help from Makenzi on kicking technique.  Yeah, that’s pretty much the jist of this interlude.  Nothing to see here, folks.

At practice, Kelli kicks things off with a pep talk about how cuts are looming and then calls out each girl to tell them what they need to work on. Leah has that age old problem of now “wowing” Kelli and Judy.  If I had a dollar for every time “wow”, “wowing” or “wow factor” was uttered on this show, I could finance the Federal Bail Out.  Sydney is still making mistakes even though she doesn’t seem to know she’s making them.  Leah is stiff.  Melissa isn’t show maturity in her dancing.  JR is “clunky”.  Staying late tonight: JR, Leah, and Melissa.

Melissa is up first, so I’m calling her safe.  Sure enough, Melissa will live to dance another day but her dancing style needs to mature. 

JR is next.  Kelli explains that the past two nights haven’t been JR’s best and that she won’t be continuing onward.  Kelli advises that more dance training would be helpful and with that, she could most likely be back in Camp next year.  JR takes this very well and tries to keep from crying.  Judy notices this and very sweetly goes over to comfort her.  I love it when Judy consoles the girls.  JR vows to return to Tryouts next year.

Leah comes in last and Kelli tells her that she’s not squad ready.  Leah tries to retain her composure in Kelli’s office and says that she, too, will be back again. 

Next week: The girls put on their uniforms they may never wear for a photo shoot they may never see the proofs from.  Good times!

Posted by: brandi11 | November 9, 2008

Time for a Change (of the channel)

I apologize for being late to the table on this past week’s DOOL episodes but I was participating in a historic election…you know voting Abe for Mayor.  Sure, he was the only living candidate but wasn’t the voter turnout impressive?  I mean, you had Hope, Bo, Roman, Lexie and Abe and even Stefano all sporting “I Voted” stickers.  I’m glad the citizens of Salem take their civic responsibilities so seriously; it just goes to show that no matter how many times you come back from the dead, your voting rights will be reinstated.

With all the hoopla over the election, I am a little saddened by the Salem Jail’s Infirmary.  I’m sorry, but that’s a class action law suit waiting to happen.  I’m also somewhat surprised that the Dimera name doesn’t go as far as it used to in Salem.  EJ needed a court order to free Nicole from her half-assed prison hospital nightmare?  The same EJ that switched embryos, blackmailed Sami into sleeping with him and may or may not have killed a cop?  EJ’s moral compass is about as wonky as the one that Sayid carries on Lost so I’m writing that off, but couldn’t he at least buy her a pillow from the commissary or something?

Then there’s Gaslight Fallon.  I’m not sure which is creepier: Silk Stalkings carrying his 15-year-old daughter like his soap opera lover or Nick sitting at Melanie’s bed watching her sleep.  For a more in-depth analysis of Nick’s turn to the darkside, check out Tripp’s site.  I’ve read spoilers so I know where this story is headed, however, knowing how storylines get changed, I fully expect Nick to be in smeared clown makeup asking Hope if she’d like to see a magic trick by Christmas Eve. 

Lastly, I would like to point out that in our ever changing world some things will always stay the same: Galen Gering will always have to protect, bicker and eventually fall in love with annoying and spoiled blondes.

Posted by: brandi11 | November 6, 2008

Sleepover Friends

I apologize for taking so long to write about 90210, I am sure you all were on pins and needles.  :-)

I mean, Silver hosts a slumber party…that just screams excitement, right?  Actually, when I heard there was going to be a slumber party, I thought of Original 90210’sFirst Season Slumber Party.  You know, where Donna liked to eat, Kelly liked to wear men’s pajamas, and Andrea busted out the Oijua board?  Yeah, good times. Except not.

Instead of Skeletons in the Closet, the girls painted their nails, took tequila shots and traded shirts.  Instead of David Silver lurking in the bushes, Dixon and company crashed the party turning it into a coed kegger.  Sadly, it was Silk Stalkings and not Kelly “He didn’t even bring a blanket” Taylor who busted up the party, but a simple girl can dream, right?  I mean, why couldn’t Kelly have busted in, noticed the kids and the poorly painted black wall and then gathered everyone around and told them that sponge painting is better for teen rebellion home makeovers and that house parties lead to burns which taint your SeventeenMagazine cover unveiling.

Elsewhere, Adrianna and Navid like each other.   That’s great, because if I’ve learned one thing from Dr. Drew on his eponymous Celebrity Rehab,it’s that addicts in recovery shouldn’t jump into relationships.  Perhaps that’s why Ade just wanted to seal the deal with simple sex.  I get how she was a little confused: I mean when a sixteen year old porn scion pays for rehab and showers you with popcorn-flavored jelly beans your first reaction is primal, isn’t it?  Unfortunately for our former child star, Navid wants sex to be special, which I guess is refreshing from a kid whose very existence is paid for by the porn industry.  Or maybe he can only perform on camera, I don’t know; we haven’t learned very much about his character yet.

Meanwhile, Annie grated on my last nerve.  While I’m not really sure what was up with that long shirt/long shorts/socks and boots outfit she had going on, she does have great hair.  (That’s about the only nice thing I can say however.)  When she was drunk and laying it on the line for Silk Stalkings, I yearned for a knock-out, drag-out fight between Brenda and Jim (of course it doesn’t help that I’m currently watching The Original Series on DVD).  I also don’t really get a father/daughter vibe between them which was exacerbated by Silk Stalking carrying her out of Kelly’s house. That was just all kinds of wrong.

Speaking of wrong: Mr. Matthews and Agent Never Been Kissed.  Hmm, having your teacher boyfriend pick your undercover ass up at a teen party?  Not a smart idea.  Does she work for the LAPD or the Port Charles Police Department?  Of course, Ryan’s not the smartest tool in the shed either by picking up said undercover girlfriend outside of your ex-girlfriend’s house.  I’d really like for Jason Priestley to show up, kick his ass and then tell him that there’s room for only one self-righteous guy who gets all the girls in Beverly Hills.

Last week, the girls tried on their uniforms that they might never wear, Kitty Carter brightened my day, Kathryn was cut, and Brandi was told that she looked like a stripper.  Game on!

We begin with The Rookie Rehearsal.  Former DCC and now Assistant Choreographer Megan Fox (not to be confused with the similarly named gal who used to be engaged to Brian Austin Green) teaches the girls a routine.  Kelli interviews that Megan is a “high energy” teacher and we’re shown scenes of her dancing and helping the girls with the routine.  Megan calls out the names of the girls who were  previously put on notice by Kelli (the Jordans and Brandi) and instructs them to stand in the first of tw dance lines and grab her attention.  The editors play that Metro Station “Shake It” song which I like, yet reminds me of some wild, teen sex movie produced in the 80’s.  Megan goes through each girl and offers constructive criticism and positive reinforcement.  She’s seriously, seriously nice.  And she seems like a good dance instructor.  Sadly, since Megan is so upbeat and positive I’m not sure we’ll see much more of her since it doesn’t make for “drama”.

After Rookie Rehearsal we segue into one of my favorite segments, The Makeover.  I love this because I enjoy watching those fancy hair dryers that just rotate above your head (my salon has those too) and I’m up for any chance to see my favorite Michael Hutchence-lookalike stylist, Rainer.  By the way, how great of a name is Rainer?  It just screams European playboy with tight clothes who likes to drink Champagne.  Funny, it doesn’t seem like all the Rookies receive makeovers.  Of course, Brandi is there and she arrives wearing very high wasted jeans.  I guess Brandi is trying to dress un-stripper like but I kept waiting for Kelli to tell her that she looked like Brenda Walsh.  Here’s the funny thing about Brandi: In her interview, she reiterates the fact that Kelli told her that her nails and hair reminded her of a stripper and then she kind of laughs it off.  Is she being a good sport about it?  Because this Brandi (me) wouldn’t be so easy to just let a comment like that go.  Let me just derail this conversation for a moment and tell you how hard it is to carry that name around.  I think it’s one of those names that people don’t necessarily take seriously, it fails that Supreme Court test you’re supposed to mentally take when you name your child, and I don’t think it will age well.  I mean who wants to be the 90 year old lady in the nursing home named Brandi?  I guess that’s why I’ve spent so much time trying to prove to people that I’m smart.  I mean, stand up comedians make jokes about strippers named Brandi all the time (trust me, one of my homecoming Pow Wows was very awkward) so I’m very much in favor of fighting the name stereotype. 

WIth that being said, Brandi arrives at the salon and Kelli greets her warmly.  She sits in the chair and Michael Hutchence says that he’s going to cut her hair to shoulder length and add blonde highlights.  Kelli looks deep in thought, considering all this while Brandi sits nervously in the chair.  Finally Michael Hutchence and Kelli crack up.  Gee, this would have been funnier if they hadn’t pulled the same prank the year before.  Come on guys, I’m obsessed with this show, I know all of your tricks. Speaking of the same old thing, they play that heinous, “Suddenly I See” song which I think has been featured on at least six episodes now.  I get it, it’s good for makeovers but there’s other songs, perhaps even something by that Grand Dame, RuPaul.  Just get the licensing rights.  In other makeover news, Brittany needs eyebrow reshaping, Jordyn K. is a “Special Project” who suffers from “Blendititis”.  Paging a Colorist stat!  Suddenly I see Jordyn K. with really pretty auburn hair.  Oddly, Brandi looks pretty much the same.  Some makeover segment.  Oh and where was Cassie?

So earlier this evening, I talked to my good friend JMTIV and we discussed whether or not this week’s fitness segment was the most pointless yet.  Granted, I watched the whole thing (twice) while JMTIV went to the kitchen, but I’m not sure I can declare climbing up a pole only to jump off and catch a trapeze as the most over the top.  See, it ranks high in sheer stupidity, but then again, so does rolling around a huge tire across a football field, fun with inner tubes,  and the Combat Crawl, an exercise so ridiculous it gets its own name.  After careful consideration, I think I’m going to have to go with the skydiving,however, as it a)  is not only a reality television cliche but b) contained no athletic merit whatsoever.  At least with this lumberjacking thing, you actually have to climb up a log.  You’re at least using some muscles.  Although, again, we have the reality show cliche, which dates back to The Real World London when the flatmates were forced to go the countryside and compete in some sort of Outward Boundexperience.  I mean, swap out afraid-of-heights Jordyn K. for afraid-of-everything Sharon and there you go.  Jay calls this the “Giant Leap of Faith” while I call it the “Giant Waste of Time”. 

Naturally, you might ask (and you would be right to do so) “what does this have to do with shaking it on the sidelines of a football game? The answer is nothing. But apparently watching the girls actually dance isn’t interesting enough therefore artificial drama must be created.  Jay Dr. Phils it by saying that “you will limit yourself in life by not taking that giant leap of faith”.  Since I take everything Jay says to heart, I immediately went out, climbed the 25-foot pole I have in my backyard and successfully caught the trapeze swing that I have tied to a palm tree.  Go me!  Might I add, that somewhere along the way, the producers managed to get the rights to “Faith” so we’re treated to a little George Michael as we watch the girls jump and fall.  While I enjoy the GM, I much prefer “Freedom 90″ and “Father Figure” so I’m hoping the editors can work those in later.

Back at Training Camp, it’s Week 3 and cuts will be made.  Kelli points out that this is the first rehearsal after makeover so some of the girls feel “glamorous for the first time in their lives”.  Huh? I feel glamorous every time I get my hair done.  Of course, it’s not done by Michael Hutchence so maybe I’m not really as glamorous as I think.  I would like to thank the editors for choosing to play some old school C&C Music Factory as opposed to the more obvious “Glamorous” by Fergie which was beaten to death last year.  MIght I add that Kelli appears to be wearing the Hope Diamond as a necklace or at least The Heart of the Ocean. Oh, and Michael Hutchence is attending this rehearsal for some bizarre reason.  I mean, is he just admiring his craft or is he going to do touch ups on the spot?

While the girls dance, Kelli and Judy confer back and forth.  Brandi is “floppy” (like a bunny rabbit?) and Jordan C. has no energy.  Katie is “turned out”.  Sydney, who I don’t know at all, is apparently “boring”.  Guess who’s going to get called in this week? Brandi, Katie and Sydney.  Now, the obvious cut is Brandi since this is the second time she’s been called in.  Then again, Loni was called in like every week and lived to wear a uniform because she was pretty, so it’s hard to tell.  You would think the other two would be safe since they’ve yet to receive a formal warning from K&J, but this is Season 3 so we’re in for some Surprise Eliminations.

Sydney is up first and Kelli apologizes for calling her “boring”.  Not that we’ve seen it, but Sydney has some low kicks which could get her cut later in the game (again, Loni and Kelly Jo proved this theory wrong, but we’ll see).  Kelli tells her that she needs to be “more powerful” in her routines which will help her get noticed on the dance floor.

Brandi is up next.  They fool us by having her go in second, as nine times out of ten, the third girls is the one who gets cut.  Kelli’s biggest concern with Brandi occurs off the field as she has published some risque photos on her MySpace. (I’m guessing they’re risque because even though we can’t really see the blown up photos, both Judy and Kelli seem to think so, Brandi seems embarrassed and the words “bikini contest” are uttered.)  Now, let me be old for a second and point out that it’s not hard to keep your MySpace private (unless of course, it is private and you accepted Kelli’s friend request) and it’s not hard to not post compromising content on said MySpace.  Then again, wasn’t Kelli busting people for inappropriate MySpace pictures during Auditions? Was all of this not on Brandi’s MySpace then, did they just gain access or were they holding all of this for November Sweeps?  I don’t know, but I feel if they knew this was out there ahead of time, why didn’t they call her in earlier and cut her then?  I mean, you gave the girl a makeover (and I’m still not sure who paid for it) and she tried on a uniform.  If you thought she was unfit, why let her go this far?  Kelli has issues with a DCC being portrayed as a “party girl” which seems fair enough, however, I saw a girl wearing a DCC uniform for Halloween on Friday (and it wasn’t that one with the droopy blouse and skirt that you see a lot; it was the short shorts) and it was teeny tiny.  I get that the cheerleaders are supposed to be wholesome and all, but judging from what I saw on Friday night, they’re basically wearing underwear out there.   After she’s cut, Brandi walks out and it seems like the other candidates are way more upset than she is. 

Katie is up next in the least coveted third slot.  Uh oh.  If you remember from last week, she was the one whom Kelli had issues with during the Uniform fitting.  I guess she’s not the strongest dancer either, because she’s cut as well.  The dreaded double cut!  I feel badly for her since it seems like such a shock, I mean at least Brandi had a warning.  Again, it’s not like the uniform is that different from what the girls wear to audition in.  If she had body issues, wouldn’t they have been caught earlier?  I don’t know, it’s been three years and I still don’t understand why some girls are cut and why some aren’t.

Next week: Kitty’s in the house!  Holla!

Posted by: brandi11 | November 2, 2008

Salem Alternative Halloween

Is it just me or would anyone else preferred to have watched Sami’s twins trick-or-treat as opposed to Sami running around like a jackass in Witness Protection?

Picture it: John passing out Halloween candy (dressed as himself, naturally) on the stoop where the mayor was assassinated.  I mean, if Phillip Kiriakis can do it, why not John Black?  That’s another thing: what the hell is going on with Phillip?  I mean, of all the people to pass out cany…Phillip?  I guess the obvious joke is that Uncle Phil was probably staking out a new girlfriend (what was up with that Melanie stuff?) but still.  At least Stephanie is in college, so that’s a start. 

In other Halloween news, Nick turned up as a Homicidal Maniac with drinking issues.  I’ve read spoilers so I know Nick’s damage, but how creepy was he when he offered Melanie shelter at Aunt Maggie’s?  I was getting some serious Norman Bates vibes from him.  If for November Sweeps I see him dressed in Maggie’s nightgown and a red wig, I’m switching to All My Children.

By the way, who ended up taking Johnny trick-or-treating? I figured Lucas and Chloe would take Alli, but EJ spent the evening at the Salem PD with his latest baby mama.  Does that mean Stefano trolled the neighborhood with his grandson for Junior Mints?  Can’t you just imagine their matching Dracula costumes?  Or perhaps Steffie went as Dr. Evil and Johnny as Mini-Me.

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