Last week, the girls tried on their uniforms that they might never wear, Kitty Carter brightened my day, Kathryn was cut, and Brandi was told that she looked like a stripper. Game on!
We begin with The Rookie Rehearsal. Former DCC and now Assistant Choreographer Megan Fox (not to be confused with the similarly named gal who used to be engaged to Brian Austin Green) teaches the girls a routine. Kelli interviews that Megan is a “high energy” teacher and we’re shown scenes of her dancing and helping the girls with the routine. Megan calls out the names of the girls who were previously put on notice by Kelli (the Jordans and Brandi) and instructs them to stand in the first of tw dance lines and grab her attention. The editors play that Metro Station “Shake It” song which I like, yet reminds me of some wild, teen sex movie produced in the 80’s. Megan goes through each girl and offers constructive criticism and positive reinforcement. She’s seriously, seriously nice. And she seems like a good dance instructor. Sadly, since Megan is so upbeat and positive I’m not sure we’ll see much more of her since it doesn’t make for “drama”.
After Rookie Rehearsal we segue into one of my favorite segments, The Makeover. I love this because I enjoy watching those fancy hair dryers that just rotate above your head (my salon has those too) and I’m up for any chance to see my favorite Michael Hutchence-lookalike stylist, Rainer. By the way, how great of a name is Rainer? It just screams European playboy with tight clothes who likes to drink Champagne. Funny, it doesn’t seem like all the Rookies receive makeovers. Of course, Brandi is there and she arrives wearing very high wasted jeans. I guess Brandi is trying to dress un-stripper like but I kept waiting for Kelli to tell her that she looked like Brenda Walsh. Here’s the funny thing about Brandi: In her interview, she reiterates the fact that Kelli told her that her nails and hair reminded her of a stripper and then she kind of laughs it off. Is she being a good sport about it? Because this Brandi (me) wouldn’t be so easy to just let a comment like that go. Let me just derail this conversation for a moment and tell you how hard it is to carry that name around. I think it’s one of those names that people don’t necessarily take seriously, it fails that Supreme Court test you’re supposed to mentally take when you name your child, and I don’t think it will age well. I mean who wants to be the 90 year old lady in the nursing home named Brandi? I guess that’s why I’ve spent so much time trying to prove to people that I’m smart. I mean, stand up comedians make jokes about strippers named Brandi all the time (trust me, one of my homecoming Pow Wows was very awkward) so I’m very much in favor of fighting the name stereotype.
WIth that being said, Brandi arrives at the salon and Kelli greets her warmly. She sits in the chair and Michael Hutchence says that he’s going to cut her hair to shoulder length and add blonde highlights. Kelli looks deep in thought, considering all this while Brandi sits nervously in the chair. Finally Michael Hutchence and Kelli crack up. Gee, this would have been funnier if they hadn’t pulled the same prank the year before. Come on guys, I’m obsessed with this show, I know all of your tricks. Speaking of the same old thing, they play that heinous, “Suddenly I See” song which I think has been featured on at least six episodes now. I get it, it’s good for makeovers but there’s other songs, perhaps even something by that Grand Dame, RuPaul. Just get the licensing rights. In other makeover news, Brittany needs eyebrow reshaping, Jordyn K. is a “Special Project” who suffers from “Blendititis”. Paging a Colorist stat! Suddenly I see Jordyn K. with really pretty auburn hair. Oddly, Brandi looks pretty much the same. Some makeover segment. Oh and where was Cassie?
So earlier this evening, I talked to my good friend JMTIV and we discussed whether or not this week’s fitness segment was the most pointless yet. Granted, I watched the whole thing (twice) while JMTIV went to the kitchen, but I’m not sure I can declare climbing up a pole only to jump off and catch a trapeze as the most over the top. See, it ranks high in sheer stupidity, but then again, so does rolling around a huge tire across a football field, fun with inner tubes, and the Combat Crawl, an exercise so ridiculous it gets its own name. After careful consideration, I think I’m going to have to go with the skydiving,however, as it a) is not only a reality television cliche but b) contained no athletic merit whatsoever. At least with this lumberjacking thing, you actually have to climb up a log. You’re at least using some muscles. Although, again, we have the reality show cliche, which dates back to The Real World London when the flatmates were forced to go the countryside and compete in some sort of Outward Boundexperience. I mean, swap out afraid-of-heights Jordyn K. for afraid-of-everything Sharon and there you go. Jay calls this the “Giant Leap of Faith” while I call it the “Giant Waste of Time”.
Naturally, you might ask (and you would be right to do so) “what does this have to do with shaking it on the sidelines of a football game? The answer is nothing. But apparently watching the girls actually dance isn’t interesting enough therefore artificial drama must be created. Jay Dr. Phils it by saying that “you will limit yourself in life by not taking that giant leap of faith”. Since I take everything Jay says to heart, I immediately went out, climbed the 25-foot pole I have in my backyard and successfully caught the trapeze swing that I have tied to a palm tree. Go me! Might I add, that somewhere along the way, the producers managed to get the rights to “Faith” so we’re treated to a little George Michael as we watch the girls jump and fall. While I enjoy the GM, I much prefer “Freedom 90″ and “Father Figure” so I’m hoping the editors can work those in later.
Back at Training Camp, it’s Week 3 and cuts will be made. Kelli points out that this is the first rehearsal after makeover so some of the girls feel “glamorous for the first time in their lives”. Huh? I feel glamorous every time I get my hair done. Of course, it’s not done by Michael Hutchence so maybe I’m not really as glamorous as I think. I would like to thank the editors for choosing to play some old school C&C Music Factory as opposed to the more obvious “Glamorous” by Fergie which was beaten to death last year. MIght I add that Kelli appears to be wearing the Hope Diamond as a necklace or at least The Heart of the Ocean. Oh, and Michael Hutchence is attending this rehearsal for some bizarre reason. I mean, is he just admiring his craft or is he going to do touch ups on the spot?
While the girls dance, Kelli and Judy confer back and forth. Brandi is “floppy” (like a bunny rabbit?) and Jordan C. has no energy. Katie is “turned out”. Sydney, who I don’t know at all, is apparently “boring”. Guess who’s going to get called in this week? Brandi, Katie and Sydney. Now, the obvious cut is Brandi since this is the second time she’s been called in. Then again, Loni was called in like every week and lived to wear a uniform because she was pretty, so it’s hard to tell. You would think the other two would be safe since they’ve yet to receive a formal warning from K&J, but this is Season 3 so we’re in for some Surprise Eliminations.
Sydney is up first and Kelli apologizes for calling her “boring”. Not that we’ve seen it, but Sydney has some low kicks which could get her cut later in the game (again, Loni and Kelly Jo proved this theory wrong, but we’ll see). Kelli tells her that she needs to be “more powerful” in her routines which will help her get noticed on the dance floor.
Brandi is up next. They fool us by having her go in second, as nine times out of ten, the third girls is the one who gets cut. Kelli’s biggest concern with Brandi occurs off the field as she has published some risque photos on her MySpace. (I’m guessing they’re risque because even though we can’t really see the blown up photos, both Judy and Kelli seem to think so, Brandi seems embarrassed and the words “bikini contest” are uttered.) Now, let me be old for a second and point out that it’s not hard to keep your MySpace private (unless of course, it is private and you accepted Kelli’s friend request) and it’s not hard to not post compromising content on said MySpace. Then again, wasn’t Kelli busting people for inappropriate MySpace pictures during Auditions? Was all of this not on Brandi’s MySpace then, did they just gain access or were they holding all of this for November Sweeps? I don’t know, but I feel if they knew this was out there ahead of time, why didn’t they call her in earlier and cut her then? I mean, you gave the girl a makeover (and I’m still not sure who paid for it) and she tried on a uniform. If you thought she was unfit, why let her go this far? Kelli has issues with a DCC being portrayed as a “party girl” which seems fair enough, however, I saw a girl wearing a DCC uniform for Halloween on Friday (and it wasn’t that one with the droopy blouse and skirt that you see a lot; it was the short shorts) and it was teeny tiny. I get that the cheerleaders are supposed to be wholesome and all, but judging from what I saw on Friday night, they’re basically wearing underwear out there. After she’s cut, Brandi walks out and it seems like the other candidates are way more upset than she is.
Katie is up next in the least coveted third slot. Uh oh. If you remember from last week, she was the one whom Kelli had issues with during the Uniform fitting. I guess she’s not the strongest dancer either, because she’s cut as well. The dreaded double cut! I feel badly for her since it seems like such a shock, I mean at least Brandi had a warning. Again, it’s not like the uniform is that different from what the girls wear to audition in. If she had body issues, wouldn’t they have been caught earlier? I don’t know, it’s been three years and I still don’t understand why some girls are cut and why some aren’t.
Next week: Kitty’s in the house! Holla!
